First night home from college and I already forgot that walking around nearly naked with my laptop open to smut porn isn't acceptable. Sorry, mom.
im officially scared..,i finally realized who my boyfriend reminds me of! spencer pratt
yeah. and then it was like the room of requirement. the elevator just opened for our threesome.
Just ran into that chick u called from my phone and left her a MSG bout how she has aids
Ahaha, good shit
she asked me what the final straw was. i had to tell her i caught him jerking off to digimon porn. i don't know what i'm more upset by, that he was masturbating to cartoons, or that he was masturbating to sub-par cartoons
don't worry dude, we didn't fuck on your bed out of respect for you
couldn't find a condom?
basically
stop changing my ringtone to people fucking, it looks bad at work
My balls had bee stings let's just leave it at that.
Thanks for the drunken voicemail of bird calls. Love and miss you, too.
his blanket is still in the back seat of my car, its like a constant reminder of his small penis
Now that I've quit blow, I think I'm allergic to my cat....
we all thought you were asleep. he found you an hour later sitting outside in the snow lighting a bowl, singing the CatDog theme song, and hugging a box a Franzia.
IT'S FUCKING BABY SEASON ON FACEBOOK. MY VAGINA WANTS TO THROW UP
I might be a bit late, couldn't find my pants and had to go to the police station. Unrelated
At what point did i decide poptarts, nyquil, and whiskey was a good idea?
Randomize
