Instead of peeing my cute lil blue panties I peed in the train parking lot in front of an asian.
I just walked in on my roommate beating off with no pants on, an unbuttoned hawaiian shirt and a cowboy hat, and he weights 300 pounds
God, i just love slightly insecure guys with hearts of gold and giant penises.
And it was confirmed to me that I did in fact cut my girlfriend out of her dress with my sword.
I feel like now would be a good time to apologize for vomiting in your eye
unfortunetly they frown upon drunk on duty paramedics
It's just my hair. It brings natural happiness. Like goldfish, big boobs, and milkshakes.
My dads not up on pop culture but he's not dumb enough to believe your 2 girls 1 cup reference at dinner was from the bible.
I just learned a new drink. Sloppy Ninja. Half Saki Half Nyquil
One day this summer I just wanna get blown under the hot sun all day.
Deal. Roof-top 69 on Saturday, July 20th. I've got it in my calendar.
You brought string cheese to the strip club
If you get laid dressed as my dad that makes me extremely uncomfortable
Man, coughing on your period is like the biggest gamble a girl can make.
We are literally scheduling phone sex... if that's not long distance af then i don't know what is
I just drunkenly signed my mortgage application...
Is this how the global financial crisis happened?
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