Boobs. All I remember is boobs.
i just heard a guy call his kid "Google" in a way that leads me to believe that's his name. this day couldn't get worse.
It was awful until we put her on a word ration. And she rationed her words accordingly. I love blondes.
oh my god i'm in a crawl space
I'm hiding her cosmo magazine. the only sex tip she needs is to not handcuff her boyfriend to her roommates bed and lose the key
Woke up today to the sound of church bells. My first thought was shit the apocalypse, but then I remembered my hook up lives next to a church. This might be a rough day.
Want to know what makes for a better story than treehouse sex? Getting busted during treehouse sex
I'm sorry. I just realized our 'big night out' ended up being you driving my high ass to get burritos and back.
TOUCH YOURSELF. DO IT.
I don't think that's how you're supposed to sext
You should come by for the fire station blow job tour
Straight up asked lady in a lime green jumpsuit how to make your ass clap. That thing wiggled more beautifully than ocean waves at sunset
Exactly man. Who needs doctors when you have vodka and hot knives.
there is something very satisfying about getting tacos after hours of sex.
i swear i was one second from getting his number and then the shrooms kicked in
Dude I love you. So much. Thank u. I'm safea. In allysi lns car. Mine towed. If u loved me ud leand me 500 in the morning. Sleep on it nd let me know.
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