I kinda knew it wasnt going to pan out when he would rather watch how i met your mother ON TIVO than fuck me......
Either way I should probably pregame on the plane
just left the emergency room. condom extraction.
it's a little hard to watch the basketball games with my family considering they keep cheering for the guy that i had a one night stand with...
I went outside for a smoke at 4 and things seemed normal. It's 6 now and the front lawn is COVERED in tortilla chips. WTF?
I cannot believe we're comparing my vagina to Mary Poppins and a black hole.
Today's dinner table topic: the probablity of my dad turning gay if he ever left my mom.
It's cosmic balancing. My vagina is an instrument of karmic retribution.
I just got fingered in the Win-Co parking lot for pills. How's your meltdown going?
My boobs are hoarders, they steal food and hide it. Greedy bitches.
Everytime I give him head I make him rub my back. Teamwork at it's finest.
No one knows how to work that "I pulled a muscle in my leg" drunk swagger like you can
i didnt realize that your first thought would be SEXUALIZING BREAD
He can sense you did cocaine and had park sex with a large ginger from Australia last night.
I woke up with my shoes on but pants in the fish tank
Randomize
