wooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo
ooooooooooooo i'm drink
Just got back from doctors appt. He lied. It wasn't a pimple on his dick.
You did not just nickname me "Nipples".
For the record, a bath beer is far superior to a shower beer...
I'm pretty sure you're not supposed to hit on someone with another guy's semen in your hair. not even at ihop.
Did i throw a brick at someone last night?
Well, let me tell you, it was the most vivid sex dream I've ever had. More so than the Paris Hilton one I had in 05. And about as weird.
We lost a condom inside me, I had to fish it out. The next day he gave me a Gone Fishin' bumper sticker. True love at its finest.
Can you pick up from work today? There's a surprise for you on the bed and I haven't gone blind which is positive.
The only monogamous relationship I can keep is with my eyebrow lady...
I put purple lights under my bed and asked him if he wanted to fuck in a spaceship.
He asked if I had any questions. Apparently, "how thick is the stick up your ass" was not a correct question.
I told him I was going outside to throw up and I ended up passing out in the front yard in my underwear for 45 minutes. When I walked back inside he said "where have u been?". My husband ladies and gentlemen
Drunk me bought a cell phone last week and began texting sober me. The conversation between the two is still on going.
I would let him fuck me right here in this laundromat. Praise Satan.
Randomize
