chris hansen is no longer pursuing child predators.let's celebrate
i'll bring the hard lemonade and lube
How the hell can the Olympic committee frown so much on weed and yet put on a show you would have to be high to actually enjoy?
she was licking his armpits.
asian porn is just fucking weird. End of story.
i just dedicated my kegstand to your breasts
maybe i'll make good life choices and keep my legs closed. periodically txt me friday and saturday night saying "baby carrot round 2" that should stop me.
He woke up in the ambulance thinking he was still in the club.
You will not judge me for my made-up holiday of wine appreciation day
He's. Duct. Taping. His. Phone. To. The. Wall.
If I don't end up being a booty call for Valentine's Day, you wanna go to the movies?
He was an asshole the entire night and then tried to touch my dick in a Michaels craft store.
Sooooo, no second date?
The parents I babysit for are at this orgy. I need to leave.
I'm gonna have to get a lube sherpa.
I've never had sex that lasts this long though. It's ridiculous. I feel like I need a Gatorade and a sweatband and a sub.
Don't come back. They don't have pants.
Oh god.
God has nothing to do with this.
On a brief change if topic, last night I dreamt I got shit faced with bill Nye the science guy and we went bar to bar and explained the science of alcohol to everyone who'd give us free drinks. We wore bow ties
Randomize
