He asked me to sit on his face, but i didnt, for 2 reasons, one, i had just pooped like 20 mins before sex, and two, this could be my future husband. so i skipped on sitting.
oh great. the only prospects for sex left for the night are douchebag in the ed hardy shirt & frodo-looking ass
fuck it... i'll be the lord of his rings
why do my parents always seem to be having way more sex than i do?
Maybe you should go over there and lead him on and reach down his pants like he's about to get some and yank his balls.
That's the best idea I've heard all day.
at last call she tried to get the bartender to fill her flask. when he refused, i had to stop her from trying to pour the rest of her beer in there.
Now have a vodka water and get your shit together
How many times do I have to drunk reject you for our friendship to become awkward? Cause were at 9 as of last night
I blew him while he was standing up and he drooled on my head
she put on her moms wedding dress and is chugging purple jolly rancher vodka, happy cyber monday
I came in and I guess my parents didn't hear me. My dad just said "Don't be lazy, RIDE IT." to my mom. Never coming home again.
I just fell off a roof. So I'm kinda chillin for a minute.
my confident boosted when he told me that it was I who started making out with him. ME. NOT HIM.
I AM SHOCKED AND PROUD OF MYSELF
I'm a little concerned about right now. You showed up at my house soaking wet, drunk with a bag of ham and 2 liter of Dr. Pepper, and you refused to tell me where you got the ham until I gave you some more liquor.
so he'll eat food out of a dumpster but he won't lick your ass?
Andddddd I'm drunk
Andddddd it's Tuesday
That's your opinion.
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