she pooped in my shower. pooped. woke me up and said she thought she farted but it wasnt a fart i went back 2 sleep and found it hours later. no longer hooking up w chicks my moms age.
Leaving the dealer's house. He just gave me a sincere hug and said good luck. This cant end well.
Besides asking our teacher if he enjoyed being fisted did I have any other tragic moments last night?
I JUST DEFLATED MY BOOB.
I DON'T KNOW WHETHER TO LAUGH OR CALL AN AMBULANCE.
Now back to adults eating hotdogs.
Our 450 pound cab driver smells like McDonalds and sunblock with a touch of vodka. Correction I smell like vodka.
Why the hell did you invite him? He's gonna bring two more inches of dick and zero fun.
The novelty of Nekkid Straight Roommate has faded.
This love triangle bullshit is getting out of hand. It's now a love polygon and I want out
i was so unappreciative the bar was giving out sweatbands UNTIL I casually used it during sex.
I never truly understood the phrase ball is life until I started having to balance NBA finals and all these men with balls i'd like to handle.
I threw up in the bathtub last night like a decent human being.
I'm pretty sure that cute cop drove me home. Especially since I found his card in my purse.
I'm tired of you and your emotional constipation. WHY DO YOU CLOSE YOUR EYES WHEN WE MAKE LOVE!?
Next thing I know her tits are out on my desk. It was straight out of a porno. What was I supposed to do I’m not made of stone
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