Sometimes I think my vagina thinks its a penis.
Im gonna name my vag after egypt, "the valley of kings"
She's holding my hand. I'm going to kill myself.
if you could put a roof over IU campus it would be the biggest whorehouse in the nation
I learned the names of so many hookups when they read them at graduation
im just glad that if you were going to have awkward hospital sex, you would want it with me
you know, this Evan Williams whiskey isn't so bad when it's watered down a bit and you're home by yourself on a Saturday listening to Snoop Dog alone in your apartment without pants or any plans for your future...
IF I CAN STICK YOUR DICK IN MY MOUTH, I CAN STICK MY GUM ON YOUR NIGHTSTAND.
This stranger told me I should "start playing for the other team" and then continued to talk to me about the joys of being a lesbian
Balls deep in an Orange is the New Black marathon. Bring food and drugs.
I'm in his bed with no pants on and he's just eating a sloppy joe
Wake up. Smoke. Masturbate while eggos cook. Go back to bed. Smoke. Body spray shower. Beer with breakfast. Class. Morning of a champion.
So nothing to worry about, but i'm probly going to jail soon, just thought i should let you know so you didn't worry. Bye!
He's eating me out right now. That's how bad he is.
The sex was so good we high-fived after.
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