You think ghandi was good in the sack? cuz i sure do.
I'm not gay.
Soooo you want ghandi? is that what your telling me?
If ghandi gives good head...I'm in
Its fine.
Wtf am i supposed to tell my kids when they ask about my first time? "Mommy got drunk off her ass and fucked a total stranger in another stranger's bedroom, then got abandoned by the selfish prick and walk of shamed to the nearest gas station to call a cab, but ended up passed out in a park in a pool of her own puke."
At least mommy was smart enough to use protection and hack into the asshole's facebook account.
Well of course. Mommy may be a slutty drunk but she ain't no idiot.
you would not believe what I got pierced last night...
son, I feel like that is a phrase a father never wants to hear.
The doctor asked me what height I fell from to hurt my back.. I answered keg height
We're gonna go drive around campus and throw water balloons at all the drunk bitches wobbling around, wanna come?
I was to the point where my socks were drenched in ranch dressing
It's like getting ready for my vaginas own execution
Well I just walked into a wedding reception and im currently eating a cannoli in the men's room while pissing
I know it sucks but it's just something that needs to be done though. Like shaving ur pubes or going to the dentist.
She lost her glasses and we found them on the roof. Don't ask questions. Kings cup was intense last night.
We can Fuck in the shower to save time
And this is why I like you. You're so damn innovative.
They came over the loud speaker and said "no laying on the dance floor.." I thought i was dancing, but apparently that's just the way it started out.
I usually do that but weve been going unprotected with tribal fertility symbols painted above my door
Also: I hate her so much. She's out at hooters, making spelling errors, while I'm literally sitting at a clinic getting std tested. Which of us won the morality award in this break up.
Also, in case they didn’t tell you… there is a chicken living in your old room… so I would assume cleaning that is now on them
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