I just used an app to identify a song that was playing in the background of a porno. May god bless your soul steve jobs.
Either way, he made a blog for his cat.
Sometimes you gotta take the crosseyed stripper. fuck it
We were thinking he might be gay. Like how the fuck do you not even make out with a girl that made you a grilled cheese
Just tell your mom you have to go somewhere half naked with a strange man. She'll understand
And then we will celebrate by drinking and making fun of him. As per usual.
When we missed a fist bump and simultaneously did the Rocket Power handshake I knew I was going to blow him.
Incase you were wondering. Cooking naked turns into sex. Sex and cooking may lead to house fire....
she's a drunken disney princess. so basically me if i had a crown and no desire for independence.
I'm glad you enjoyed the night but why were you calling me "daddy"?
He fell asleep during FOREPLAY. Sober!!!
Im outta here as soon as my phone charges wtf
Look, road flare archery was agreed on. We both accepted it was a shit idea sober, but did it drunk anyway.
Good morning 7am walk of shame. It's been awhile.
I felt like a slutty ass cruella devil driving your old car, And I got in a fight with your wipers
I have cats now. Five of them.
Have you considered starting a global domination firm?
Randomize
