I might be drunk enough to make out with you. You don't want to miss this unique opportunity.
He made me cum so much, I almost let him spend the night. The operative word being "almost".
Just before going down on me she said, "I need a hairband for all of the jobs I'm about to perform."
You blinded her by spitting vodka in her eyes, the vodka you had just taken as a body shot off of her.
I went back to the party but by then they were all sitting on the floor in the dark listening to we are the champions on full blast.
Your ankle brace is here and the saw is charged. Grab some vodka that cast is coming off tonight.
THINK! exactly how many raw eggs did you color and hide in my apt.
Only I could go on a date with one guy, have a beer with a different guy and go home with the guy im trying to avoid. I have a talent or a problem.
She said "I feel like I haven't reached my full potential" and I couldn't figure if she meant in life or with the weed..
I stole a tiki torch last night and just returned it. Things have been better.
OK, but next time I'd like to be present for our make-up sex.
I knew how blacked out you were when you started doing that thing where you dance around and call yourself the Black Swan.
You literally asked him, “Do you come here often? Do you want to visit my vagina?” With no hesitation
i’n just gonna forge ahead, gag reflex be DAMNED.
I think the night went to shit after he started sweating and crying about a taco he dropped on the ground 3 years ago. No more blind dates
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