dude, she has braces
i meant the dude w the ponytail.
i was less creeped out when i thought you were talking about the 14 y.o.
we're drinking boxed wine and eating string cheese. It's like a wine tasting for poor people.
A homeless guy asked you to feel your boobs, you accepted in exchange for his broom to go with your witch costume..... that's when I cut you off
I was. I was trying to blow bubbles in the toilet after I threw up in it. They had to carry me everywhere. I lost a sock.
No mine's bigger. It just looks smaller because I'm drunk
besides im still about 80% sure that im eskimo brothers with jerry springer
My vagina bone hurts from grinding on that dude so hard.
She asked for her virginity back. I don't know what to say
I'm about to get my nails done. Would the polish name "meet me at the altar" be too straight forward for a first date?
If you think eating a bowl of leftover stuffing and drinking champagne from the bottle in dirty sweats at 9am is sexy... Then yeah, I'm your girl.
Don't be the guy that has his dick out at work.
Woke up this morning to a bunch of snapchats of you drunkenly yelling at grasshoppers. Good night?
He just sent me a picture of multiple chickens eating in his kitchen... should I be worried
I successfully cockblocked 5 people in one night. I wasnt getting any, why should they.
what are you up to?
it's 8pm, i've already showered and gotten in bed. if you wanted to make plans u should have asked 3 months in advance
Randomize
