I'm not crazy, I only keep calling you cause you won't pick up.
We should be called the Road Head Warriors
If you dont, I will tell Dad you are gay.
Fine, and I will tell him you fucked his business partner
Previous statement retracted.
He jacked off on my pillow when he found out I left. It was like coming home and finding that your dog, with separation anxiety, had pooped in your shoes. I think I'm flattered...
Just saw a field sobriety test being administered at 730 am, I now know I do not have a drinking problem
Stumbled into class and into a desk. When I fell my bottle broke in my backpack. I had to leave there was vodka everywhere.
I'm chugging Gatorade because i drank something called a trashcan and someone named Gianna diamond has my credit card number, and I think I might have ruined my life.
To do list: put blue gatorade in a windex spray bottle. spray it into my mouth in public so people think i'm drinking windex.
the parade is in 5 days. put your big boy pants on and come to beer training. time to build your tolerance. i can't have you passing out in a bush with a cape on again this year.
I don't want anything to do with the Darth Vader stripper babe. I'm just trying to make dreams come true.
You don't understand!!! BACON ROSES!!! Why are you not more excited?!
Someone put pennies in the toilet. This isn't a fucking wishing well
PSA- Wearing assless chaps results in embarrassingly painful sunburn
What is it about fresh air and wanting to talk about penises
the guy had "bad bitches only" tattooed above his penis...
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