Do you know how when animals have surgery they put those cones around their heads so they can't lick their wounds so they can heal? I think someone should invent that for human emotions.
ugh the "ive seen you naked on the internet" look is really getting tiring
just added God to my list of friends who can only see my limited profile on facebook. its such a relief to know that He can't watch me fuck up my life anymore.
Because its an amazing idea and you're the only one I can think of that will allow a pirate threesome
oh my god its dad's weekend for the sororities i can't wait to throw up in front of all these parents
OK am i seriously the only one who thinks Cocaine Tuesdays is a bad idea?
I knew it would get worse when I said I think your roommate is watching and he looked over at him and said ... So?
I mean technically the bite was both in my nose and on the outside of it. I thought I was going to need stitches or something.
Why was his mouth around your nose anyways?
It was just one of those nights, man.
Lusting after Beyonce when you're a lesbian is like having a crush on Jesus. You just don't do it.
Gotta get new sheets. ..I fucked the satin off mine.
He was so drunk and proud of his 6-month-gym-results he actually made me touch his whole naked body.
There is nothing worse then the feeling after you've held in farts all night..
What's his name?
I curse you to think about Guy Fieri whenever you have sex with your lady.
I wore Yonce braids out last night and made out with a man and a woman #bowdown is right
My dad just informed me that I may be entitled to $1700 worth of stimulus money... looks like that hitachi is coming sooner than later. Let's hope for the best!
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