Is it necrophilia if we're both dead?
i have nine cents in my fucking bank account... not even a dime
can we take a shower together?
no need for the romantic shit. I'm a sure thing
She has 260 profile pics. In 260 she's ugly and in 255, she's making the peace sign with her hands...
I told her the maid must have stolen all my condoms. She bought it
The fact that you think you peed off a roof shows you shouldn't have been on a roof.
Please tell me why there is some girl tied to our toilet?
He lectured me about the dangers of drugs while wearing a sombrero and doing interpretive dance.
i figured out i could get from the downstairs bar to the upstairs bar AND grab pizza by going through the kitchen. it was the greatest discovery of my life besides the flabongo.
Just peed on my foot. Thank you Sunday hangovers.
i don't remember much about your party last weekend but i remember you being so drunk you were crying in your driveway about pickles at four am
In Punta Cana for my bachelor trip, hopefully tomorrow my passport is blacklisted
Validation I posted a good pic? The lonely fuckboys send out the booty call signal. Of course I answered the call; Gotham needs its hero.
Looks like it rained condoms in my room last night
you were on all fours in the front yard puking, but managed to hand the pizza delivery guy a beer and to have a nice day.
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