For what it's worth, your chances of anal go up the more she loves you. There's always a silver lining.
I left when they started reinacting what appeared to be a jerry springer episode
we found you eating frozen orange juice with a spoon and then drinking vodka from the bottle.
Dude they even gave me free lube for being tested! Best. Hiv test. EVER.
bikini waxes are so much more painful when you know you're not getting laid
Why am I the only one concerned that there's a dog in the movie theatre?
He just asked me if I wanted a ride on the "bologna pony." I never wanna have sex again...
All of the sudden your world had become nothing but the sum of visible dicks. Welcome to life.
you riverdanced for the cops while the rest ran away.
LOOK AT MY HAIR, DOES THIS LOOK LIKE THE HAIR OF A PERSON WHO HAS HER LIFE TOGETHER?
I really want some funfetti cake but I feel like its more socially acceptable to go out and drink
I'm terrified that I'm going to have a baby with a guy who posts snapchat stories while ignoring my texts
I'm more heavily invested in that tequila than you are
ill give you some hints: blood, carnival, fog machine, happy meal.
I mean metaphorically. Literally zombies have yet to invade. Let's be rational here.
Randomize
