Brandon just fucked that chick! I tried to warn him but T9 said she had "puppy roses" instead of "pussy sores"
I just saw a guy wearing a tuxedo shirt under his overalls. That is true iowa class right there
How do I recover from singing "your body is a wonderland" on his voicemail?
I just puked while everyone was releasing balloons. Im to hungover for this memoial service. Rest in peace great gramps.
The puppy is a lightweight. 3 beers and he's passed out on the floor already. I repeat, the puppy is a lightweight.
There are 3 guys sitting in the elevator in lawn chairs wearing sunglasses and holding beers. the hallway rugs are stuffed in a trash can. i've never been so glad to be sober.
You kept apologizing for not offering me some of your Whisky, which you referred to as "Jesus Nectar".
Think about if the incredible hulk and king kong had a retarded baby. That's the sound she made in my ear the entire time I fucked her.
and ive been naked for the greater part of the evening. alone, drunk, and naked. i think that is how all great interventions start.
I'm concerned that this blind man on the bus has a boner right now
All you kept saying was, " Barack fucking Obama. FUCK Michelle" and then you motorboated me.
I turned around and there were three 10 year old kids running around with sparklers. Weirdest college part ever.
Welcome to Philly.
Drunk Karaoke resulted in only 8 injuries this time, so there is some improvement.
You have ten minutes starting with this message to get here. Or I'm putting my clothes back on.
so i might have slept on your bathroom floor last night...
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