I woke up to 'call me' written in red lipstick on my chest. Thats the hottest/sluttiest thing ever. I win at LIFE!
I was in a threesome last night that turned into a violent domestic dispute with damage to a hotel. Wish you were there!
if the best thing you can say about him is "he probably wont kill me" you may want to rethink hanging out with him
Wanna hang out, and by hang out I mean go get plan B... and maybe lunch, but mostly plan b
Uuh, dude you came running out of the bar screaming you didn't want to hear that song, ran face first into a truck, spun around 3 times and hit the sidewalk. I tried to catch you.
I woke up on top of his counter next to a pot of boiling water and an empty package of ramen... what happened to the ramen, we will never know.
Why must everything this weekend have to do with something going into or coming out of my vagina?
Hold on, I need to find something to wear that says "I don't contribute to your daughter's drug problem"
Surely the maintenance men have seen worse than that condom right
Currently playing charity bingo with coworkers so if u were ever gonna send a dick pic now is the time
You fell asleep on the toilet and he was like uh should I take her off?
He told me that his greatest skill was making White Russians.
Three of my exes and one of my exes' brothers have hit me up and it's only been a week. I hate semester break.
It's alright. I'm just trying to make her realize you're not good enough for her.
I cannot believe all 4 of us had sex at the same time, in the same bed... And it didn't turn into a foursome..
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