Last night I fell down in the street (I think in someone's vomit), cut my knee up, lost my moms necklace and my license, and had to walk back to the hotel.
we are learning about oedipus in english. fuck you for making this awkward for me
HE KEEPS WALKING AWAY. IT'S LIKE HE DOESN'T EVEN LIKE FRIES. WTF.
Yes. Yes. Double yes. I'll bring the tits. You bring the frosting.
HE'S turngign 18teen real soon.k
when the song champagne showers came on you poured some kids beer over his head... while giving him a lap dance
There's a 35% chance I'm still residually drunk from last night.
And you say you're not good with numbers...
Did you blackout Saturday before or after we had sex in a random snow bank?
I will have to bone him sometime between now and July so he will move all my shit again
I don't have time to shower before my passport photos...your cum is all over my hair...that's with me for 10 years now
I know I come to this conclusion on a fairly regular basis but I really do need a babysitter
I woke up this morning with a text from my mom as to why the hell random people were showing up at the house. Turns out nobody came to our house party because I gave them my old address, fuck pre-partying for real
He called my boobs fluffy. Part sexy part pilsbury dough boy. Part sexy pilsbury dough boy. I'm so confused. And flattered?
Christ I forgot how flexible you need to be for a decent sext pic. Jesus.
Do you wanna fuck while my apple pie is in the oven?
Randomize
