Things overheard in WeHo: "Just drink a corona and eat some ass, you won't be hungry anymore"
This girl looks like a mixture of kathy griffin and bill walton. i havent decided if that is a good thing.
I think misery doesn't even think of me as company anymore. I'm an unofficial roommate.
Well he paid for dinner, so I paid for the Plan B, but the parking ticket I got is totally his responsibility.
I'm deleting all the photos of dicks off my phone. This relationship could be serious
I bet. I bought a surfboard and a kite and filled my camelback with vodka-tonics. Let's do this
When the doctor said the anal leakage might not be reversible without some lifestyle changes you start asking if it's worth the entertainment value.
Take off that red sweater and wear my vagina as a facemask.
He's so drunk he thinks he's the ultimate warrior. Told cops he was from parts unknown. Never broke character
There's a mechanical bull in the basement dude where are you
Fuck you, if it wasn't for us going to the city, she would be using me as a human sex toy all day.
I woke up this morning with 3 phone numbers, a red Chinese New Year envelope with cash in it, and a winning scratcher all stuffed in my bra. I'd say it was a pretty successful Thursday night.
For an hr, you were convinced you no longer had a right arm so you played Super Mario Bros with just your left hand vs Beth. You won btw, mite b why she refused to wear the unicorn head
I need to reevaluate my stance on weekday hangovers...
Do you have Pokemon Go yet? I just caught a Clefairy on my walk of shame and feel way better about myself.
Randomize
