do you know how bad I want you right now?
As bad as i want you to stop texting me?
is that a hint?
i was picked up off the floor by a stripper, if thats not a new life low then i dont know what is.
the doctor brought back painful memories by lecturing me about your teeth marks that are still on my dick.
I wish I had a "puke in your car" emoticon
I mean, I'm not looking for prince charming. I'm looking for the glass slipper of dicks.
You look me right in the eyes and yelled "By the power of the superglue beer sword, I designate you my driver!" I almost felt honored.
I'm a gay man planning my brothers bachelor party, and he choose someone else to be his best man. I hope they like appltinis and gay clubs. Bastard.
There was enough sluts here for 2 threesomes to happen at the same time, and you still struck out. What did you do to piss off karma so much?
Drunk yoga at 11 am turned into me sitting on the couch making fun of the girl in the instructional video. By the way, what the fuck is a third eye?
But the Super Mario beer pong table is more than appropriate.
Trying to do the walk of shame over here WHY are there a hundred ppl on the el?! Thank god I pulled a summit and wore casual clothes I even stopped by the farmers market and bought some squash
well apparently i sat in the bathroom staring in the toliet at my vomit. it was blue. how was your night?
I got conspiracy theory drunk.
Just remember I’m your roommate with extremely questionable morals
Exactly, what could possibly go wrong
Is she talking about a testicle cuff or just a cock ring? How did you meet this girl?
Is there a big difference?
It’s about the same as the difference between a night of drunken sex with a stripper at the Bellagio and being robbed and left for dead by a crystal meth tweaker
Randomize
