your butthole totally puckers for the ginge
So I've been drinking and I told the bf about the gf he almost fell of his chair
Was going to watch Bolt. Fucked a stranger instead. Details later.
So you didn't like Bolt?
He left the bathroom door open so i would hear him masturbate in the shower to make me feel guilty for not putting out but it just turned me on cause i like guys masturbating. weird?
Yeah but if I do that, I'd have to buy my own stomach pump for the house. That doesn't seem like a great thing to have sitting on the coffee table.
soo I had sex last night and he wore a condom, pulled out sans condom. we looked everywhere and couldnt find it, even in my vag. so Im in the library at school and I googled it and it gave me "gentle digging" techniques, and sure enough, found it. ew. I'll be purchasing Plan B after class.
luckily my workout playlist doubles as a masturbation playlist.
She keeps sending, "show me your elephant trunk."
SARAH B AND I ARE GOING TO GO HALFSIES AND BUY YOU A CAT. IS THAT OKAY. TO KEEP YOU COMPANY DURING THUNDERSTORMS SUCH AS THIS ONE. ITS BECAUSE WE LOVE YOU.
She basically needs a man who will never act up and take all of her shit
I'm even having trouble finding a guy who's taller than me with no unibrow.. someone needs to tell her its time to lower her standards
In the middle of me riding him, he stopped me and said "You're the kind of person who would be restrained for being obnoxiously drunk on an airplane, huh?"
Should I be concerned you put your last name in my phone as "danger"?
Time to eat Mexican food til I hate myself.
That's completely alright, I do it a lot.
i'm so glad to be in bed i'd like to thank the acadermy
Nothin ruins a fine afternoon like shitting ur pants
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