Ambien does the same to me. One time that I took it, I got this huge bowl of spaghetti out of the fridge and thought it was a castle and that the meatballs were little slaves. I ate all of them first and then the noodles were the soldiers and the sauce was the water in the moat. And when I finished, I fell up the stairs and threw it all up.
It's like she bought one bad life decision and got one free
He said I came instead of I'm coming. I wonder if he noticed my state of confusion when I stopped blowing him.
Wasn't he an English major?
Can you check on Mike in the bathroom. It's been like 20 min.
He's fine. He's just standing at the trash can in line for another beer from the keg. Nbd.
He tried to tip me with his police badge...
and you didn't accept WHY?!
I mean, "boo" isn't the appropriate response to someone dying...
my suitemate came in my room last night and flashed me. and then she just walked away. deff transferred to the right school
Worst case: you're extra horny, have no control of your mouth or actions, and maybe murder someone. Child's play.
Let's celebrate our country being screwed by screwing.
Also so weird my phone cracked after I repeatedly threw it at the ground as hard as possible
I thought I needed to get laid. Turns out I just needed pasta.
Note to self, the correct response when a guy tells you he likes you as a person is not "ew"
She tied me to the bed and did lines off my chest before sex. I’m going to put that on my bucket list just so I can cross it off
I STUDIED GEOGRAPHY I KNOW THIS SHIT!! DON'T YOU DARE QUESTION MY AUTHORITY ON GLACIAL DEPOSITION AGAIN BITCH!!
I'm legitimately the first person in the United States to successfully shave their balls with a Razer Blade of a sword and fully admitt it. I'm honestly smoother then a 10 year old.
Randomize
