Just tried calling my phone on my phone because i thought i lost my phone.
I need hand sanitizer and jesus.
he just spelled fiance, "pheancie". I dont think he's ready to get married.
i'm not accepting baked goods from anyone for awhile. especially after the stalker pie.
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just lying in bed drinking beer with a straw waiting for motivation. why?
Lil wasted at a baby shower. Here's to beating teen pregnancy BOTTOMS UP
He turned off the music when i walked in and introduced me to everyone. then they gave me jager and made me chug it while holding a giant purple dildo. everything resumed when i finished
walk of shame this morning involved walking through the in-home daycare that she runs while it was full of kids. judgemental little shits. on a plus, got a juice box and a graham cracker for the walk home.
He's a forty-something balding gay man with no boundaries or sense of social norms. Of course we should befriend him.
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Dude, it could be so much worse. That Dale kid lost a toe I think.
Me and him were fist fighting in the back of the cab and I offered the driver a 100% tip to call him an asshole. I don't know why.
Well i think matt shit his pants so ill mark that as a W
Went to take a shower. Brought my wine, forgot my towel.
She fucked my eyebrows.. I've never had that done before.
Wait... Plucked, or Fucked?
Fucked, but I understand your need to clarify
I miss my innocence.
I miss being able to say, "I've never done this before."
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