His friends call him "Gasm".... Im going for it.
Just so you know.. I just graduated college with your name still written on my chest
If that doesn't scream bromance I dont know what does
What bar did i puke in last night
by bar you must mean bars and by in you must mean on
He SHOWED UP to the party wearing one shoe and a dinosaur hat. He kept lifting up his shirt and asking people to bite his nipple.
The chick who threw the party was all pissed cause she thought I made out with her boyfriend. Admittedly, I did, but she was throwing up and crying at the time so she really can't be that mad.
But the guy you're fucking should not be within ten pounds of your weight when you're five fucking feet tall and he's 6'2". That's all I'm saying.
I had a sex dream. With two guys. And my subconscious decided to put your dick on BOTH OF THEM. If there is a society where that does not mean "I cherish you" I do not want to live there.
I'm going to need a Jurassic park sized pooper scooper to deal with all this shit last night caused.
I was going to learn how to knit but I got high instead.
i wasnt sure i had a crush on her until i woke up this morning and saw i had googled fifteen variations of "lesbian marriage in estonia". where the fuck is estonia
I mean like, I missed 30 minutes of star wars to fuck you on Christmas so you must be worth something
He fucked my brains out then fed me cheese and peanut butter. I might be in love.
He and his ex stood there talking about going to get Chinese food while I was half naked searching for my panties
Just googled myself and a bunch of boob shots of me came up. Apparently my phone automatically uploaded them to my google plus.
Please google me ASAP and ensure I corrected this...
day drinking didnt prepare me for this..
Randomize
