So how come you never look me in the eyes anymore when we make love?
I'm drunk at a fancy martini bar, wearing jeans, drinking cheap vodka that I brought in my purse. Got thrown out of court for using my cell phone. All in all calling Thursday a success.
There's too many weed/neon/felt Sublime posters in this room and someone just put on a Hunter S. Thompson movie. Save me, now.
He like poked it twice with the tip of his tongue then left it alone. I'm sad.
Your friends ate a hole through an entire loaf of bread
I did my dad and i had to keep going back there to pick up coffee
please read the first 4 words of that text and consider punctuation
Gravity stopped and i'm discussing Greek philosophy with two guys I don't know. There's someone asleep on me. We need to use their dealer.
Hey, this is Travis. I just so intelligently deduced that I am in a college dorm somewhere in western oregon. Probably WOU, based on the process of elimination.
Lube is flammable
Who is this??
I'm going to pound you from behind over a table at the bar while I pull your hair and call you a whore...please pass along that message to Rob
They're having lesbian sex while I play super mario world. I hope they like the music
I promised him we could have sex if he would let me take him to the hospital to get stitches.
Can you please stop fucking every bartender in the city? Just once I want to have a Jack and Coke without fielding questions about your availability.
I always felt my time would come in the form of a tidal wave of whisky
I kinda just want to steal him and keep him forever
Randomize
