she offered me iced tea and went to go change.then her dad came in the door.i thought i was on how to catch a predator.
The walk of shame is slightly more complicated when you wake up in the wrong country...
so after the bed broke we walked out of the room to a standing ovation
told weddin planner we wanted to work in ceremonial body shots before vows. she hasnt reponded yet...
There was a stripper pole on the party bus. Was being past tense because some fat chick somehow tore it from the ceiling while grinding
And there might be a gallon of sangria without the lid on the floor in your room. Just be careful when you open the door.
We both paused during sex to do the clap during the Friends theme song. Soulmates.
I seriously think my heart may fail. And I didn't even grab a toilet beer :(
One time she made a chronological chart for the guys she has given blow jobs to, I shit you not.
It's only slutty if you don't have his number. Unless there's a full moon. Then anything goes.
He tried to puke in the 14th hole and when I told him to stop he started chanting "hole in one hole in one"
i swear to god it was like we were fucking in 9 dimensions
I just dropped a condom on the floor at costco in front of my girlfriend and her husband. Today is not going to go well.
You didnt text me.. I'm on your street with golf clubs
My law teacher drew an elephant on the board in class. I was so high that I laughed for 5 minutes straight. Nobody else laughed and everyone stared. 130 people knew I was high.
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