Have fun with your cool freestyling girlfriend!
She can rap better than you any day
I was scared of Debbie's boobs today. They were all huge and scary looking
"I never want to have to say, 'Please don't squirt me with your breast milk' again.
Sorry if I'm being weird. I'm dipping doritos in cabernet.
My warmest regards to the fish in that koi pond I puked in.
did you by any chance leave me that 7 minute long voicemail of you running and constantly tripping into bushes?
I've had more sex in the two weeks since we broke up than I ever had in any two weeks we were together.
we got 12 live crabs and then we got really stoned and know we're playing with the crabs. thats nom watermellon nom. now i'm plaing with a crap whos such a gentleman
Blackout strip poker. Now. Bring flashlights because we found that candles are dangerous with nudity.
I feel like an ass. I'm not blacking out ever again. I want to clean your feet for a year. Just like Jesus did.
Some older looking guy gave me his card as he exited the train. Hes a pharmaceutical rep. I'm debating asking him for a job. Obv he wants sex but if I can get a job out of this maybe I can offer him more than a cheap dry handjob bc that's all I'm really up for these days
It's 1pm, she's in the shower, I don't have the guts tell her I wasn't her blind date. Someone got stood up.
How you doing tonight? I got my butthole licked so i cant complain.
Actually new year, new me. I haven’t had sex yet so technically I’ve been a virgin all year.
im gonna miss him. and by him, i mean his dick
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