In hindsight, i should have predicted that a drink called the 'rocky mountain bear fucker' would not end in a pleasant experience
I will show your tits more attention than Michael Jackson's death.
its 4th on my favorites list. 1. butt sex 2. mini skirts 3. three meat pizza rolls 4. fuck the pain away by peaches
Who is John, and why is his named carved into our toilet?
you ever get that eerie feeling when you walk in a room, when you know youve barfed here before.
How are you going to be there by 9am?
Relax I always go to these conferences hung over
You say that like it's a positive quality
"Take a picture of me motorboating molly" was probably not my best career move
Should we buy the taco bell before hand? Not having taco bell on Quattro de mayo isn't a risk I'm willing to take
I'm not really made for random hookups.. i'm like a swan.. i don't wanna have random swan sex. i just wanna have one swan hubby and fly around the world together and eat bread that people throw at us..
Walked in the bathroom at work and my boss was taking a shit with the stall wide open and responded "oh yeah, I forgot you never have been to prison "
He just unloaded a dump truck full of red flags on my head.
Nah I think he's a bit weirded out I worked out where he lives from a Facebook photo
If I don't get struck by a lightning bolt from God by midnight it will be a Christmas miracle.
Drunk in my hotel room, eating taco bell, and crying at Nicki Minaj's life story.
This is why I keep you in my life.
He ate me out while I was wearing a canada goose parka and a dress hand crafted by a seamstress from yellowknife. I came while watching the northern lights. Most arctic orgasm ever.
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