Please explain to me what this has to do with my fantasy to fuck larry king?
I was just making a list of the girls i have slept with and i can't remember your sisters name
he told me my hair look so beautiful and as he was stroking it his fingers got caught in my BUMPIT. How are you supposed to explain that one?
Seriously, it was like sucking my thumb.. and im not even saying that to be spiteful b/c he is a really nice guy.
.....then i was kicked out of my work christmas party......
my breakfast just consisted of gushers (made with real fruit!) and they're trying to tell me im not eating right?
Halloween has nothing on dressing up as as the INS on cinco de mayo
It's 4PM and I'm finally awake.. I'm covered in dog fur and shame. I'd say it counts as a good night.
hey dude come in here and see how much of my beard i can put in my mouth!
The guy behind me is talking about how his life goal is to use his knowledge of mathematics to make the world a better place. My only life goal right now is getting through this lecture without throwing up in my lap.
Do you rver get that feeling like their are poprocks filling ur boday?
She wouldnt stop trying to stick her finger in my ass. I wish she wasnt so hot
my brother has friends over and I can hear one of them screaming from the basement "BREATHE. FILL YOUR LUNGS. LIVE YOUR LIFE." and it sounds like he's doing some motivational speaking down there but that's actually just how he encourages ppl to take bong hits
Well I can cross 'get my dick slathered in coconut oil while watching the bob's burgers porn parody' off my bucket list.
Sorry I had sex in your backseat while everyone was in the car
It's quite alright. I found his shorts in my backseat, not sure what he was wearing when we dropped him off
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