He's on drugs...like drugs for horses.
at the gym hungover with vodka in a water bottle. don't say i'm not fulfilling my resolutions
Omg. The strippers are having a batman vs spiderman showdown. Both on stage. Genius.
Girl in my class with fire painted on her face. I. need. that. weed.
I will be sticking my dick in something this weekend. You can either be that something or not. Your decision.
asked the cab driver where he learned Swahili last night.
You said my dick was impressive. You thank someone when they say that. My momma raised a gentleman.
Our fuck buddy relationship took a turn for the worst after we were drunk and I punched him in the face when he asked for a three some with my best friend.
THEIR PENISES MATCH. I JUST REALISED THAT. THEY HAVE IDENTICAL DICKS. OH GOD.
Woke up this morning with an extra $35 and someone else's ATM receipt. How much did I drink last night?
Currently rolling a blunt in the bathroom of Planned Parenthood
Tinder recommend to a friend: making threesomes easier since 2016
I dont understand why so many people are content staying in and avoiding alcohol and sex
You made noises. And kept meowing. I have a twenty minute phone call to prove it.
Are you texting me while pooping again?
I'm also playing fetch with the dog
Randomize
