he's super hid and wouldn't leave us alone so i snatched his phone and started texting lovelink (thanks for a well-timed commercial) that will cost him money. muhahaha
No offense but you kinda look like a Jack Johnson fan in that pic
Im sitting next to shitfaced santa at the cuse game. My plan to be on television is now flawless
Omg. The strippers are having a batman vs spiderman showdown. Both on stage. Genius.
Party at my house. Liquor pinata. Your presence is required.
FUUUUUCK she froze all my quaters inside the ice cubes again
i think i figured out where our problem might have started...when we poured more tequila on top of out margaritas to melt the ice bc they were too cold
hahaha or putting rum in the bbq sauce?
Whiskey shot with bacon bits, our version of Goldschlager WE ARE TRYIN IT.
I'm so eating pot-chocolate cookies while preggers. This kid will be so amazing.
I am not even close to finishing violently masturbating over that video.
Mother fucker, I knew it was bad when you tried making out with my car window
I just stabbed open a can of Spaghetti Os with a spork. Who says I cant take care of myself?
Woke up this morning naked, wrapped in a bath mat with a wad of singles on the table. I'm calling it a win.
My alarm went off and I went straight for your dick. That's dedication.
I had just gotten to his place and was about to get some dick. No way was I gonna let her negative attitude affect my orgasm feng shui
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