I would drag my balls through a mile of broken glass to eat pudding out of her anus
New discovery: doing the Helen Keller is not as attractive as I thought it would be, in reference to the sex noises.
went out last night and woke up on the bathroom floor again, thinking about just moving my bed in there.
i told him to take shots to cure a hangover and he told me i was "walking the steppingstones to alcoholism"
You threw up in a Dixie cup last night. Oddly, you just gained major points in my book for that.
we flagged you as soon as you tried to put the lime in the microwave to prove it was really a kiwi. again.
The bartender cut me off so I peed in the corner. How no one noticed I have no idea.
Apparently I used ziplock bags to smuggle my drink out with. By pouring it in one, then cut the corner like it was an icing bag later that night. What is wrong with me?
Solid teamwork gives us a good shout of both bringing home trophy cougs
We got Pizza Hut & Papa Johns, delivered within seconds of each other, and both delivery people did a shot. I was put on Earth for this moment.
They never prepare you for how broke ur gonna be in college. I just accepted money from two underage girls at a gas station to buy them beer only because I'm trying to figure out a way to run off with it without them noticing.
Dude, use it to buy them beer. Then run the beer to ur car as fast as you can and bring it to the party. Seriously, we're running out of booze over here
His and hers buttplugs were a resounding success. Tru luv
And then we made magical love in his room under a blacklight as his roommate and girlfriend argued violently in the living room
There is a stockpile of mangos and vodka in my backyard and I'm at least 90% sure you had something to do with it.
So what if is hockey, you don’t turn down sex with a professional athlete. They work out all day and have amazing stamina. Your vagina will thank you!
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