I feel odd... a had sex with a chick and she keept her socks on...
i keep walking around campus wondering if anyone is as stoned as i am
Just saw a guy wearing pink jeans and i bet he's straight. Fuck 2009.
Fuck the gym. I just shaved m'cooch and my pants now fit looser.... Dont judge me.
official worst smell ever. a used condom that has gone through the dryer.
I just want you to know that if I ever had to fight man eating flowers or flying turtles to save my friends they'd be fucked. No one's worth all that bullshit. PS I really need to stop playing Wii while drunk.
he climbed up to our party on the 2nd floor balcony and then pulled a glass mug and a beer from his knapsack. these freshmen are intense
I knew you would eventually ask my secret. Pedialite mix drinks. Works wonders.
I told her I named my penis "The Spirit of Exploration." That's all it took.
Just set up my first threesome: a rapper and a Marine. Pretty sure at least 80% of girls in America hate me right now.
Curdled. you forgot that word. It was a curdled buttery nipple shot.
Yes sir I did. I'll be there with a guest. And no, my date won't be an escort.
Well if that changes tell the escort to bring cocaine.
i was sitting in the back of a squad car completely stoned watching airplanes take off
I'm going to avoid eye contact because my old high school English teacher is not who I feel like seeing after I just had a dick in my mouth
YALL MOTHERFUCKERS WANNA WATCH HEAVY METAL AND SMOKE WEED AND PLAY POOL AND DRINK BEER AND SMOKE WEED
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