i woke up under my mattress pad with him laying naked next to me and his wwjd bracelet on my nightstand.
nice, that's exactly what jesus would do.
If the pens lose tonight I'm gonna drive to Detroit and burn 8 mile to the ground.
Actually I may do that regardless. Probably get my own holiday.
I just found a dead bug in my nose. if that's the worst thing up there im considdering myself lucky.
We played Russian Roulette with a revolving Nerf gun. If you shot yourself in the face, you had to drink.
Using Dr. Seuss quotes to ask me how badly I want your penis is not appropriate.
Got one of only two perfect scores in the class on the quiz I took drunk. This is not a good thing for me to have learned about myself.
Your philanthropic work just got me laid, thanks dad for naming me #2.
Can you explain to me the broken disco ball in my front yard?
Based on your 5AM twitter activity I gather you found MORE FREE COKE??
You got me 4 pizzas and i just saw this. I'm too drunk for this shit. I just yelled "4 pizzas holy shit!" At the pizza dude
About 98% sure I just walked by some dude jerking it in the library. I'm guessing his college experience isn't going as planned
On the bright side, only one more day until we aren't sober anymore.
He could only go see Deadpool without his girl if he was black-out drunk... because spoilers. They're the perfect couple.
I almost had a threesome in a giant beanbag chair. I love college.
There’s nothing that says motivation more than watching these little geniuses on Kids Baking Championship New Year’s Day. I’m ready to fuck shit up this year.
Randomize
