dude, she has braces
i meant the dude w the ponytail.
i was less creeped out when i thought you were talking about the 14 y.o.
I called him Han Solo during sex, he looked at me like he was mortified then I realized he came.
I just miserably failed my own drug test. At least I know what a positive will look like when I give them to the employees tomorrow.
Note to self: Don't teach the naked lap rule in beer pong until after youve made a cup..
Someone changed my text signature to "Also, I think I might be gay" last night. Also, I think I might be gay
Found: medium sized pair of mens pants tucked inside my purse w/ a dry cleaners coupon in left pocket. Call if you wish to claim the coupon
Well anything after a French guy would have been a disappointment. But I'm fairly certain he was just trying to masturbate into me.
I've never felt more disgusting in my life. And I'm including the time I snuggled that homeless woman in the puddle of my whiskey vomit.
If I asked you to guess what I'm doing right now how many guesses would it take to get to really high eating an apple bumping techno
Reunion weekend was a success. Had 3 ex's inside my vag. Hat trick!
But how will the next generation learn about life choices without a Jersery Shore?
I should have bailed a long time ago. I mean, he has a bible verse-a-day app next to his dick pics in his phone.
I just want to have sex that doesn't end like a B-rated horror movie.
I found more straws in my beard this morning. Please stop doing that.
She thought I was dancing but I just couldn't catch my balance for 11 blocks.
Randomize
