I thought she had blonde hair
No, Gonorrhea actually
she just sneezed while going down on me. is it rude for me to ask her to do it again?
i celebrated the independence of our country by dry heaving tequila all morning. so classy. happy 4th.
We should never set our expectations higher than pizza bagels cause then our night is bound to get better
It just gets louder and louder too...dear god. Her poor vagina.
They were actually really boring considering how we met them.
howd you meet them?
They got shit-faced and decided to take a train to a city none of them had ever been to. We found them wandering the ghetto, with a bottle of gin and singing Disney songs.
Somehow I magically turned down a threesome last night. On my birthday. You're a horrible wingman.
What do I wear to meet his family/put his dog to sleep? Is there even an appropriate outfit for this occasion?
Admit it. It's a brilliant plan with hundreds of possible repercutions.
Understatement of the year.
Dude, im sorry I had sex with that girl I was trying to hook you up with last night. Good news though she puts out
He is sitting on the foor in the soup aisle saying "to each their own soup"
The saddest thing about graduating is that we won't have free access to STI screening anymore
You slid down a wall, tried to pull your cast off and yelled that casts were too conformist.
I wonder how drunk we can get before Christmas Caroling turns into trespassing.
Date with Air Force guy was nice btw. And for my next trick I'll talk him into fucking me in his fighter jet at 30,000 ft.
Randomize
