god please explain to me why there's blood underneath my fingernails AND toenails?!?!
Dude To be completely honest I don't think you want me to.
I am currently trying to use a tide to go pen to remove the jizz from my backseat, it's not working...
Turns out shot glasses hold the perfect serving of sour patch kids....I still fail to see how not having any real glasses is an issue
hanging out with you guys is like living the wikipedia entry for drugs...not sure i can handle that tonight.
Apparently I was the fucked up drunk guy greeting people at the hotel in the lobby last night.
Btw after this weekend the chipndales costume has a 125% success rate.
I'm a busy girl. All I wanted was noncommittal sex a few times a week
His search history includes homemade sex toys and a plunger. I'm scared about what goes on in their place.
So I got hit in the face with a frying pan. So def wont be at work for first break if I'm there at all
I was trying to fart in my sleep in the hopes that he would leave
I'm going to sing sad and lonely Barbra Streisand songs at the top of my lungs if you don't get here soon
No dude, he just dipped his cigarette info ranch dressing and lit it. He's said he normally doesn't do that but it's Memorial Day.
And by pregame I mean drink heavily and watch Russian dash cam car crash vids
WHY DO I KEEP FINDING CHICKEN THROUGHOUT THE HOUSE? GET YOUR ASS HOME NOW!
You should just skip the small talk from now on and instead say something like "You need to come slay the dragon, be here in 15?"
Randomize
