Just chased the kids into the backyard with kitchen knives. Best. Babysitters. Ever.
Never drink rum straight from the bottle, even if people say it'll make you a pirate. It won't: it'll make you a bumbling shitfaced idiot who just drank rum straight from the bottle.
i either just walked in on pete wacking off to webmd or he was checking his dick for herpes
at least after i hook up with someone i have the decency to ignore them
she kicked me out for pissing in the recycling bin. I mean, is it really THAT big of a deal?
She used the word "fragged" in proper context. tell me that's not bust-nut hot.
just walked past the recycling bin in class, there's keystone cans in it. go cougs.
I'm trying to ve beat feiesnd sent.
"I'm in the bathroom. Only place I can sit and relax without that girl trying to give me a lap dance."
Because of my cut offs, my brother is convinced I fucked a girl so hard she forgot to take her pants. Fairly accurate.
I'm gonna play this game called Conquer the Dicks. I think it is self explanatory.
Are we going to go home and do it or do I have time to eat my nachos bell grande first?
are you listening to the theme from Jurassic Park whilst pooping?
I just stood beside an Amish man and bought Cocoa Krispies and tampons.
Do normal couples celebrate occasions naked with Chicken McNuggets and BBQ sauce?
Randomize
