I was just tapping my foot in the bathroom at Penn Station just PRAYING for anonymous sex. You know how that goes.
Are we still dressing up as garden gnomes for halloween?
No. I would like to get laid again before I graduate.
Sacagawea was the original milf.
I think the waitress doesn't beleive I have friends coming. I've had 4 drinks and a large salad just waiting for you guys.
You would think that an uncircumcised man would understand how the hood of a clit works.
Three things I need a picture of: your friend, your bong, and your dick.
I woke up and watched my kitten suck on his nipple. Way too hungover to intervene. He thought it was me, so he just giggled and mumbled "mmm girl."
Seriously? God I hope he wasn't lactating.
......... Poor kitty
Just made nicotine water. Ithink i'm having a heart attack.
I asked the full emergency room who else was there because of homecoming and every single person raised their hand
Nothing ends a night of heavy drinking better than banging to three six mafia in your own driveway
Everyone heard you scream that I was to be naked, in your bed in 5 minutes. We were one hell of a shitshow spectacle
Only I could host a baby shower where the cops get called.
He sends me the same inspirational quote quotos that my grandma does. I no longer want to tap that.
But I only have 2 emotions angry and horny
I think I'll shower sitting down. That seems safe.
Randomize
