You dirty dirty liar I like the way you twitter
OKAY SO WHENEVER I SEE AN UGLY COUPLE I ALWAYS WONDER WHAT THEY SAY TO EACH OTHER IN BED. creepy?
he was so hot that i framed the used condom. it's not trash, it's art.
My dad assaulted a TSA agent this morning. Shut down airport security. Don't tell me that your family is embarrassing.
you were leaning against the vending machine asking if there was a shower you could puke in.
Just think about how many life skills I lack. Cooking... Driving... Sobriety...
I know everyone screamed lady cop instead of cops. I wanted to apologize to her for our chauvinism
I told the cop to try walking in heels and he'd understand why I was walking home without then on. He told me he only does that on Wednesdays.
Dad says your scarf isnt fooling anyone and u look like a douchebag, its literally the perfect time to tell him your gay
Going to dump some dried Xanax powder into some Mac and cheese. Can't think of a better way to avoid tasting it.
You drunkenly promised dick pics on your way out the door and then never delivered. I don't know how I'll ever be able to trust you again.
I'm 2 seconds away from smashing the bottle and drinking it off the counter with a straw.
Last time I checked he was house sitting for his ex while she was out of town with some new dude. He was crying about how the guy told him to stay out of his whiskey while he was gone. That's whipped
He told me I was a good dog mom. I've never been so turned on in my life
sorry for running off in the middle of that heart to heart. free food.
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