are we going to glenview for practice??
(3 hrs later) aids
where r u? what is story? im way too high right now
The men handing out bibles on the quad are blatantly skipping me... am i that obvious
after the first, "yea you like that baby", i quickly remembered why i had stopped having sex with him.
I love Japanese schoolgirls with short skirts riding bikes on windy days.
You're never coming back, are you?
The problem with having your drunkeness documented at a wedding is not only does it show up all over facebook, but all over professional photography websites.
Like if I don't roll around in my puke, the night will be a failure.
ive got a scarf tied around my face holding bags of hashbrowns to it, im too boss to care
Still not sure if my open-bar-week-long-trip to Cuba is the best idea as a congratulations-for-my-sober-february-challenge. My liver might just explode and give up.
Am I over stepping my bounds if I ask to fuck in your new bathroom?
It has heated floors
On the way out the door to work grabbed the wine glass on the floor left for the ghost of Elijah and chugged it. PASSOVER.
Just to be a PITA after I die, my will leaves 1 cent to each of my FB friends. I hate my lawyer.
Can you get snapchat back so I can show you all the places I threw up in/on last night?
I took a pregnancy test at Pancheros a bit ago.
my comprehension of H.D. Thoreau really dives after 8 beers.....
It will astound me if they ever let you graduate.
I informed him that we had less than 5 minutes left to live, and his first words were "I'm trying to think of a good They Might Be Giants quip"
Randomize
