you opened the fridge, pissed on the food, fell over, then threw up on yourself. thats whats all over the kitchen.
i think the whole apartment complex could hear you beating off last night
i'm sitting in the second floor bathroom drinking coronas in the shower. do not find me.
You guys crashed sarahs vespa into a snowbank and its still there. not cool.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I can't believe I paid your booty call for a ride home in cake.
i just remember pinky promising you guys to take care of him.
Breakfast=the leftover margarita in my car. Have a great day.
well in the interest of full disclosure I have been using a used kfc spork as a buttscratcher for a month
I am both excited and frightened by the fact that this much everclear is legal here. Best vacation ever.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Did you put pizza in my boxers last night?
I left you 4 hours ago. Have you been walking around with shit in your pants all day?
That time we were having sex when you were super drunk, I kept yelling out, "Oh God," and you said, "You're going to need him after this." Idk why I suddenly thought of that.
I hope Trump leaves Planned Parenthood alone for at least another month. The week got away from me. #whorelando
its hard to say precisely how it happened, but the next thing i knew i was on top of a mountain
THAT'S MY GIRL
KICKING BUT AND GETTING PEOPLE INTOXICATED
Love waking up to a new contact named “Pizza” btw
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