Yay Minnesota! I can't believe there's now a US Senator who has taken more acid than we have
she was dressed as a doctor claiming that after she was done i would have a "permaboner"
going to the gym drunk. fuck whoever made basketball season and getting a spring break ready body in the same season.
I was talking to this girl who was in love with the air force. I was doing decently until I mentioned that the navy actually has more planes. Cockblocked by my knowledge of random trivia again.
Last night I dipped into my beer fund to pay for groceries. SINCE WHEN ARE MY PRIORITIES SO WHACK???
I do remember getting hit in the face by an ugly one because she thought I was blowing on her butthole.
Found plan b box covered with blood. In kitchen sick. Pickle jar is empty. Wtf happened?
College has taught me that the "best idea" is rarely the fun one.
This is true but you can't really get fired from college
When Vanessa's kindergarten teacher called me in because she was caught with her hand down some boys pants in the bathroom, I knew you babysat last week.
Mostly because I hate my job and a have a photogenic penis.
Just woke up and spent the first hour of consciousness throwing up with the Rocky theme song on repeat.
I'm only wearing socks and eating tuna, don't do this to me right now.
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
Why are my jeans soaking wet and smell like chlorine??
Bc u told a stranger in the hotel "I have sinned' and made him get into the hotel fountain and "baptize u". I've got a vid
Bank just called....we left my debit card in the ATM last night.
Randomize
