she said i have a nice penis, i told her only bob saget and god could judge that.
Im watching he's just not that into you, eating way too much pizza, and feeling very single.
help help how do i get him away from me should i talk in a robot voice or something
He bought me a flower. He's totally getting head every day for a week.
When she was giving me head last night it felt like there was a NASCAR pit crew working on my dick.
What do you think it is?
It's a boy. I know it. She always manages to have a cock inside her somehow.
It's been two days. My balls feel like watermelons.
We had hangover sex and then I called a taxi home. Told him I didn't want his number because, if it was meant to be, we would fuck again. He called me the queen of one night stands.
New game I thought of while bored on the train. Anytime I get a text from an ex, I will randomly text a different ex. It's like a less charitable version of pay it forward.
How long is enough time to schedule homosexual exploration... Like an hour?
I look like I just got gang banged and I'm wearing a Taylor swift t shirt. It's not gonna be a pretty breakfast.
We're living together and you don't know if I've seen Titanic?!
Jesus Christ. How the fuck do you not tell someone that your wife can see on the phone bill who you text and how many times ?
About to go make a man out of a 24 year old boy
As I shove my ninth taquito of the day into my mouth...
Picking our battles
Stop fucking Sharon's exes.
Sorry it took me so long to reply. I was fucking Sharon's ex.
Randomize
