do you know how bad I want you right now?
As bad as i want you to stop texting me?
is that a hint?
I said ACK before Andy Samberg made it even remotely funny. That tool is stealing all my lines.
Yeah, you've definitely been jizzing in your pants years before he made it socially acceptable
Just once id like a girl to say to me in the dracula voice, i want...to suck...your dick...
I just lost $50 at the races, got drunk, and woke up to my ex-gf. Apparently the good decisions kept on rolling...
I really wanna punch him. Right in his cell-phone-sized penis
We almost died tonight..we almost die every night. but tonight was the closest by far
she trying to cartwheel up the stairs... not going so well
I specifically found a fat girl to lift me up on her shoulders.\n\nIt was glorious.
I cut myself stripping on your car. Probably a profession I shouldn't pursue
You fell asleep mid blowjob with my vibrator in your HAND. So no, I will not bring you pizza.
Would it be rude to use my vibrator? like he forfeited his right to be mad when he left me orgasmless...right?
I AM SO HORNY, I AM GOING TO DIE. I NEED SOMEONE TO WISH MY VAGINA A MERRY CHRISTMAS.
SHE POOPED THE CONDOM WHOLE
Ya i'm marrying the man who can hear/smell this level of flatulence and stick around
You were arrested in a tiara again... maybe you shouldn’t wear one.
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