This dress was meant to end up on your floor
47 days without vaginal penetration. Im pretty sure it's grown over.
Do you realize that if your cunt was a missing person it would be assumed dead?
Fat spanish girl grinding against air conditioner. ive seen everything now
She gives pretty bad head, but when it's in her dad's Lexus SUV it's tough to complain.
Not till Sunday. I'm going to sleep in my car. And I know. This place is insane. Blood on the stAirs 5 dollar slices of pizza. A girl on our floor had a stroke.
listening to happy ending by mika while imagining him to run after me at an aiport in slow motion... also, dipping oreos in baileys. not taking this breakup well. at. all.
At the bar. Madeline and I totally brought our own pitcher from home because they always run out. Hello alcoholism.
I only remembered where urgent care was because it's across the street from my favorite bar
As I sit on the toilet at 4 am I realize tonight could have gone a lot better
I just want to let it be known that I almost put my phone in the fridge.
A man bought two 40's from me, then asked if I had duct tape. How do people over 50 know about Edward 40hands? It was very weird.
I made a wizard staff out of Keystone light... I am therefore the smoothest wizard in all of our university's history.
You've thrown off my entire schedule. Usually SATURDAYS are my "try to hide the jizz on my leggings" days
You know your horny when you have a sex dream about Ace Ventura, if your wondering he's awful
He called me dainty, then fucked me like the Viking God he is.
Randomize
