dude, your ex-bf is on match.com
details on that.
well, his profile doesn't say anything about herpes.
Can we reminisce? I held a mans penis while he peed. This is the craziest night I've ever had.
I often get tempted to walk up to her drunk ass and say, "shouldn't you be taking care of your kid?"
I just saw a homeless guy on rollerblades; I don't think I've ever felt sorrier for someone in my life.
My lack of memory is directly related to being friends with you.
Just saw an old lady vomit in a trash can at the airport. I instinctively called her a pussy. College has ruined us.
A worker across the alley is wearing your sombrero sans cat barf.
ATTENTION ALL CONTESTANTS OF SLUTFEST 2012 ; not only will we be judging on how many penis you have sucked but also girth and length will be calculated. If you are found lying you will be disqualified. Remember your fellow participants will be rendering the same services to probably the same people. So choose wisely and let the games begin!
Yeah but I was the kid who ran over your BMW and is banging your 15 year old daughter... There isn't a cool enough dad in the world to make that work.
Nothing like snapchatring dick pics to a\nMarried woman while your girlfriend destroys Taco Bell in the next room. Almost caught, worth it. Got boobs back
Sorry for all the snapchats, I wanted you to feel like u were in America getting plastered with me
I'm by the tree and the Dora the explorer balloon .. Look for the Dora the explorer balloon
I need to stop waking up with no pants on.
what happened this time
I dont know everyone was gone and there was a bird in the room
Hmmm, well all I'm saying is don't do anything too irrational because you miss him and are blinded by his large penis.
my dad just liked my status about my bowl being stolen even he feels my pain
Randomize
