Trimmed my pubes and broke your paper shredder. Separate events.
her nipple to breast ratio was just odd
Scream out, "Tax-Free dick over here" in the bar. Ladies love tax free stuff
Todays lesson: Chew your food better when your drunk. I almost choked throwing up this morning.
I don't know whether I should be pissed that there's glitter in my bed or proud that there's semen in there too.
I'm drinkin whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
Just caught my dad doing coke in my bathroom again. Guess whose getting a new car for christmasss.
I really hope you are not drunk feeding a raccoon.
I SHITYOUNOT DAN JUST PUNCHED A DEER IN THE FACE. MID LEAP.
Chicks, chicks everywhere, and not a drop to drink. Dude, when did real life lesbians get HOT?
You've got to be fucking kidding me. Do you think "Husband drunkenly pees all over floors" is reasonable grounds for divorce? So pissed off right now.
You're the second person to offer to fuck me in the bathroom at work. Idk whether I should feel honored, or if cvs is just a turn on.
So if I run into you on the street, I'm supposed to just stop drop and suck your dick?
So I have now fucked both my roommates...This is why I can’t live with men.
Do you think it's my receding hair line that makes all the milfs attracted to me??
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