lol whn u cming hre I nd 2 c ur fce
IF YOU TEXT ME ONE MORE SHORTENED VERSION OF A WORD, THE ONLY THING YOU'LL SEE IS MY FIST IN YOUR FACE.
my dad told me i had to spend my money wisely..so i spent the money he gave me for a desk chair on weed. ill be so high i wont even notice its gone
Just woke up next to our cab driver from last night. Please tell me this isn't happening.
Be careful there's warming lubricant on the floor. I will clean and explain later.
I think I just saw my 8th grade band teacher trying to pick up a hooker
I'm so in the Halloween spirit, I zombified my all of my nudes on my phone. Tell me this isn't creative.
It was like the perfect storm of bad decisions.
I'm currently sitting on the floor of a hostel reception area taking swigs of straight vodka, singing with people whose English doesn't go far beyond Lion King songs. I thought you might appreciate it.
Cops are just so fun an beautifuk
Chipotle. Because when you've had diarrhea for 6 days why not just make it 7
Having boobs is probably the greatest thing in the world, free booze all around
Maybe I can find a straight girl rehab camp, like the opposite of those degaying camps, where they teach me how to love the ladies instead
Omg. I would pay ALL OF THE MONEY for that camp.
oh my god. picked the worst day ever to not wear underwear...
I'm just gonna stop you right there because there is, in fact, no such thing.
My brain and heart say thanks but my vagina isn't super pleased with you right now
Just cuz I'm recovering alcoholic does NOT make me the taxi for you every weekend
Randomize
