The girl in the car behind me just took a bowl hit. I miss college.
I'm chasing vodka with french fries.
Its weird to pet your cat with a boner
What the fuck?
Just an fyi, teatherball while wasted might be the hardest sport ever.
You were spooning my trash can and I had to crumble cookies on the floor by your face to get you to eat
whatever happens this semester dont let me be that girl yacking in the urinal. again.
You just squeezed a person out of you and I'm drunks at 2PM. Our lives got traded and you know it and you're jealous.
I didn't ask to see his penis, it was an ambush. Impressive though
Invited the whole bar back to my place for an after party.....shit got real with everyone seeing dad drink moonshine like a champ.
stop sending me battleship coordinates and get back here so i can suck your dick
I just wanna get high and take a fucking awesome nap. Those are my goals for the week.
That was when I yelled "Wisconsin powers activate!" and took off sprinting across the ice
You leaned over to me in the elevator and whispered "how long do I have to pretend to be sober?"
It's only just- an eye for an eye, a tooth for a tooth, a nude for a nude
dude i told her that I loved her...and she said, " go fuck yourself"
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