She had hickeys... what's up with that?? HAHAHA
Just saw a man jogging. For recreation. At 3am. Who's he training to be, batman?
you convinced the bartender to un-cut you off by letting him touch your boobs whenever you ordered a drink.
I can't believe im sexting my roommate. This is really what my life has come to
I am only moving my arms so I remember that I can. These brownies are wild.
And here i was gonna offer you a complimentary blowjob.
Your dad just texted me? He said I needed to holler at him when I get up tomorrow. I honestly thought you had somehow gone to jail.
I'm actually not sure I need to run today, between the crazy monkey sex and breaking into my own house.
I don't remember what you were saying to me in the bathroom. But whatever it was, yes, because i remember nodding a lot.
Because of my cut offs, my brother is convinced I fucked a girl so hard she forgot to take her pants. Fairly accurate.
I understand, but unless there is an intervention for me being planned, i DON NOT want to talk about my life choices
You popped the Plan B pill then clapped twice, said "mischief managed" and headed tward the bar.
She answered the door wearing a basket, said it was the only clean thing she had.
It's 4/20 and I spent the morning in the gym and am working later tonight. I don't even have any weed. Why am I adult-ing again?
Yea he was still drunk. He wore a Toga to his job interview.
Randomize
