my grandma just informed me that patrick swayze used to babysit my dads cousins why wasn't i informed of this early...like when i was obsessed with dirty dancing!
I'm pissed I'm finding this out at 24 bc i could have used this material to make friends
The girl here has a popped collar. Can I slap her?
Yes. For all mankind please do.
We have had massive layoffs this year, yet the guy who cant flush his shit seems to still have a job
can't come out tonight. went to the bar again last night and the bartender hugged and thanked me so much for my "generosity." I'm intrigued but terrified to see my credit card bill.
Last night must have been awesome, my dog still smells like vomit.
i just opened a bottle of wine with my dads power tools
Apparently I walked up to him, mumbled something incoherently, then started to make out with him. Why does this always happen.
Just used the leftover candycorn for candycorn vodka. Our house is trying to continue the Halloween spirit for as long as possible.
My dad just sent me a text reminding me to bring the family beer pong championship belt. Thanksgiving 2012 just got real
Care to explain the single rose and the package of "Cowboy Moustaches" I found on the porch?
Like I'm literally drinking whiskey and making a stocking for my cat right now. What. Goes. On.
I woke up this morning with a half eaten bagel and an empty pack of imitation crab meat in my bed. This is going to be my response to pick up lines now.
He skipped an important family function with his dying father to fuck me. Terrible human, amazing fuck buddy.
Considering who their parents are, maybe you should use vodka for the baptism.
I'm proud of all of us. Somehow we all survived another Jägerbomb Tuesday
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