My psychiatrist is "consulting" others. I am high-achieving nuts.
Some kid in my class just puked in his backpack, zipped up the backpack, put the backpack on and walked out the door.
My mom gave me a high five when I told her I was just using him for sex
You and your mom would make an amazing tag team
Just found a peacock feather in my car. Should I be the least bit concerned about this?
I call BS on that! THAT WAS TOTALLY AN INTERCEPTION. JENNINGS HAD THAT.
PEOPLE ARE FLIPPING FURNITURE HERE. IN THE ROOM ABOVE ME. I HEARD SOMEONE WOOKIE CALL IN ANGER FROM SOMEWHERE IN THIS BUILDING.
I'd be lying if I said I wasn't scared, even a little.
"Grocery shopping" is really just a euphemism for spending $20 on enough frozen food to last 2 weeks and spending the rest of your viable paycheck on alcohol.
I wish you were awake and high the same times I was awake and high. And also in the same state. So we can fuck passionately.
I think I died last night.
Yeah, you got carried home
The blow job award ceremony was a little much. You guys didn't need to call out what happened the night before.
What? How can you say that? You won!
And then the templeton police were like "oh I remember her, yeah the blue haired girl that we picked up cause she was passed out drunk on the side of the road"
I yelled "NO FLEX ZONE!!!" at the guy that thinks it's cool to take off his shirt at the party then proceeded to puking
You need to stop telling people you gained weight over the holidays. You've been fat since July.
He thought I was gay. I had to explain I just really like wearing flannel.
I just unmatched him. If your Thirsty Thursday only consists on the gym then I am not the woman for you ✌🏻️
THIS FUCKNUGGET
DOES HE EVEN REALIZE HOW MANY INCREDIBLE INSULTS I'VE WASTED ON HIM
I'VE INSULTED THE EVERLOVING SHIT OUT OF HIM AND HE CAN'T EVEN APPRECIATE IT
THE HO
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