If facebook stalking was a job I would totally pown it
how do you tell a roommate that having sex on your bottom bunk is not appropriate even if she has a top bunk that's hard to climb to?
That's why there are breakfast margaritas.
please dont make me drink to the titanic soundtrack
I spent most of the night convinced it was my birthday. But I was probably wrong, it can't be January, can it? I'm 90% sure its not. But maybe. The days have got shorter. Is this what unemployment feels like to everyone?
I was just reelected president of justgotlaidsylvania
i just feel like the statute of limitations for admitting i plowed through her car last night was up a couple hours ago
This may be hard to believe, but that wasn't the first time I was fingered under a snuggie
It's not
well the night couldnt get much worse after she peed all over herself and the sidewalk.
I was just handed a bible on my walk of shame....are you there god? its tequila tuesday's hangover
Dude, you can't even imagine the trip, I actually thought that there were Care Bears sitting next to me at the bar, I'm pretty sure I started hitting on the pink one.
Just banged your ex. So it really is 'him, not you' in that he's gay. Rodeo champion gay.
Do you know why I woke up with a half peeled lemon in my purse with a post-it that said "eat me" on it?
For a guy who won't fuck me, your dick is out a lot when we talk.
just saw two eagle scouts making out in chic-fil-a
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