Is this a definitive no? All is forlorn? Such is fine, but i'm drunk and a sucker for concrete answers
So how was awkward coffee with forgets-your-name?
My mom just bought me $200 worth of booze on the condition that I promise I won't have to go to rehab eventually
New scientific discovery: The hypothetical attractiveness of a woman increases exponentially as her skirt:boot ratio approaches zero. Nobel Prize in my future?
I mean what are real friends for if they won't hold down your wedding dress to allow for a keg stand
I'm hoping he'll tell everyone how great in bed I am. Well, how great in bathroom floor I am.
Yeah Greg found him eating out of a tuna can with a pill cap
hey, being drunk and dumb is my thing. Don't take that away from me.
Well we had to pull over on a side street in town so I could throw up while moms were driving by with car loads of kids, I feel like I just performed a lil silent AA film for the childrens
Came home to my roommate drinking a 40 in the shower. Chugging with his hair still fully shampoo'd.
I just let my boss bend me over his desk and spank me. I think that is some sort of American dream.
You're gonna be sprawled out basking in the sun working on your tan like a ridiculously hot iguana, and I'm gonna be here bundled up in about 72 layers just so I don't freeze my dick off looking like the Michelin man's gay cousin
i apologize, I may have called you an iguana
Mistakes were made
Well, I got drunk and told my family about what I expected sexually after a good first date.
yo dude not sure how this happened but im drunk at your house eating burritos with your mom and sister. hope you're having fun in new zealand
Totally just got spotted hitting the bowl by someone else hitting a bowl. We gave each other a head nod
Randomize
