Scream out, "Tax-Free dick over here" in the bar. Ladies love tax free stuff
basically at this point ill snort whatever you put in front of me and just hope
She rolled over this morning and asked "did you refer to my vagina as splash mountain last night? "
this is not the time for floating mt dew and shots of tequila.
Ja rule starts his prison sentence today #3475th reason we should drink tonight
I think I broke a hole in her wall trying to do backflips
If you are wondering why there is half eaten pizza in your pocket it's because you were passed out with it in your hand in my bathtub. Today's your b-day and thought I'd give you a good idea about what happened last night as a present
We had a deepthroating contest with breadsticks at Olive Garden
tell me why they applauded then the bartender locked himself in the bathroom when i walked into the bar today ????
I just made the pizza guy say helicopter six times in order to get his money. Even he knows how stoned we are.
I just woke up from quarter beer tuesdays wearing 3 pairs of underwear, none of which are the ones I left wearing...2 Around my waist and one around my shoulder in an attempt at a bra. At least drunk me tries to be decent?
You know the sex was rough when you wake up with a chipped tooth. I have no regrets
I broke another vibrator the other day. Abstinence is not for me.
So, 'head before the store' turned into a fuck fest, & that's how I ended up at the grocery store smelling like a cum farm on Black Friday. How's your weekend?
I once left mine in my bra and I forgot and I didn't notice it was there until it vibrated.
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