Wow so 15 missed calls, a vm AND a text saying come downstairs? ...And where is downstairs? Explain.
everytime someone would look at you, you started to try and deep throat your beer bottle.
If you hear screaming in the middle of the night, bat got loose. Call poison control immediately and explain rabies
You should be proud. How many people can say they GAVE a stripper an std?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I was giving a campus tour, when a drunk senior came up behind me and shouted at the group, "If Jesus ain't your homeboy - get the fuck off this campus!" Looks like his religion course is paying off...
No no no no no no.... That's my emergency bottle for when I realize I've hit rock bottom
I can't tell if I'm getting better at doing my online spanish hw drunk or if my teacher is just grading on creativity. Either way that senoritas gettin an applebees gift card when i graduate.
Is he the circus guy or the bi-curious street preacher?
I'm just waiting til he drunkenly pisses in his new man's car the way he always whipped it out and went Bellagio in mine.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm going to a one year olds birthday party to smoke weed. What has my life become.
HE HAS CHALLENGED MY BADNESS. I MUST CONQUER ALL THAT QUESTIONS MY POWER. BRING FORTH THE TIT PICS.
I somehow turned head, shoulders, knees, and toes into a sobriety test
I admit it could have gone better but look at it this way, since I broke the urn you don't have to worry about spreading the ashes.
I'm sexting with a 20 year old that has a foot fetish... This is what Sailor Jerry drives me to do.
Is there a single word to describe 'the last guy she slept with before meeting her husband'? Cause there should be.
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