he called me "his little blueberry cunt muffin"...how would that make you feel?
I'm pre-party power houring. It's so catchy I couldn't not do it
And on top of all this... he just told me to "chill my nips."
just woke up in my car, in front of the bar. Took me 10 minutes to find my keys which were about 10 yards away in a bush. According to my phone records, I called my ex 14 times last night. Breakfast?
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I have officially had sex in every room on my floor. Don't say I'm not an amazing RA.
This taco party has no tacos, just a hot asian guy in booty shorts. We were lied to.
you cant ever make fun of my bong's stick on moustache again. its the reason the cop let me keep it and my weed.
Finally buying a camera. Missed out on recording a 3way last night. Hindsight. Ugh.
I just can't even fathom the crazy and I work at a mental hospital.
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I shaved my pussy for you. If you complain about a single hair that I missed again, you will be greeted by a bush the next time you go down on me and i will MAKE YOU KEEP GOING
I think my brain has decided it's boycotting life until it can do whatever it wants.
Ok sry I left that ambiguous......did you want contact solution or fellatio?
You know that voice that tells you to do something spontaneous after 1am? Don't listen to it.
Anal on new furniture sounds like a quickest way to violate a warranty
It is NEVER not funny to me when I am sitting at a table and I've touched the dicks of every single person I'm sitting with.
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