I got into an eating contest with Christina. I ate 6 oranges.
Why? Who won?
we don't know. we ran out of oranges.
Lady next to me is getting american flags airburshed on her nails. god bless the ghetto.
I just got a bj @ my old preschool...my childhood memories r all ruined
My grandma just told me that she sharted, no I am not having fun in El Paso.
I enjoyed our heart to heart in the trunk on the way to the stripclub
My neighbor just watched me eat a granola bar without pants, this is a whole new level of unemployed
I figure a girl that drinks as much as I do should always have pregnancy tests on hand
I found a video of myself completely naked on my phone giving a drunk tutorial on how to shit properly while blindfolded. Did you record it?
My booty call fought through ice and a foot of snow to get here. He brought booze, food, and cigarettes for three days. My vagina is the greatest motivator of all time.
My neck is PURPLE. This is NOT a good day to be indoctrinated by the cardinal...
What's the worst that could happen? I'm already broke and my leg's already broken
Are you the reason I woke up without pants?
What's the polite way to tell someone she's a grown ass woman and she needs to start acting like it.
I'm disgusted with myself. Who goes down on their Uber driver? This asshole
They have one of those claw machines here... with a dildo in it...
Randomize
