Dude if I didn't piss myself last night I dont think I would have woke up in time for work.
I ended up giving him head, i think it was mostly a defensive move so that he wouldn't discover i was wearing those onesy spanx
Im not gonna remember this tomorrow but the real money is in coke i wanna get a dark wood desk and cell coke then i can own taco bell and the xxl chalupa will be mine
I don't know how, but he made a bong out of a hamster wheel. To say I am impressed is an understatement.
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Still had my bottle opener ring on. Started to give him a hand job. LOL
You know its good night when theres makeup smears on the toilet seat
My first drink last night was a 2-liter of jameson and coke. So hung over it hurt to put my pants back on
I don't mean to complain but you could have done a better job of keeping me alive last night
You ran out of his house yelling "I got the goods!" Then you pulled toilet paper rolls out from under your shirt.
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This bowl is so big, I just said out loud, "I'm going to die here" as I blew smoke out the cat door. Merry fucking Christmas.
I invited him to my hotel room via snapchat. I'm one hell of a classy bitch
I think I met my butt stuff soulmate
Tonight I learned to never try to impress your ex by dancing on the stripper pole while drunk. That’s how you end up in the ER
I think I may have gotten way too used to using my boobs as an extra hand/pocket...almost stabbed myself in the chin bc I forgot I put my fork there
So I have a horrible yeast infection right now and I learned that Scott is cheating on me and now he has a yeast infection in his mouth and in his stomach a pretty aggressive one too. I believe the doctors call it thrush. Text me in the morning tell me what you think.
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