I will show your tits more attention than Michael Jackson's death.
totally just realized while washing my face that Cetaphil looks like semen.
entire chemistry final was about beer... i actually might miss this place
Hey for future reference vodka can not be substituted for water when shaving your legs
I can't remember if the bartender cut you off after you broke your glass or after you wished the bar a happy winter solstice during your karaoke number.
I should have to wear a sign around the rest of the day so everyone knows the shame I feel.
How do you think the people in my class would react if I ripped all my clothes off and jumped on him right now?
It's a "party harder or raise your standards" kind if night.
In my defense, I haven't stolen anyone's clothes yet.
Yeah, that's a plus.
I'm scared to touch anything in this apartment. Even the ceiling.
I made him laugh his dick is mine
Honestly my life is shambles over a married man who looked like a fuckin NERD ON HIS WEDDING DAY
I'm going to need to invest in some knee pads if I keep having nights like tonight
Dude, you were so drunk you were hanging from the ceiling of my car pretending you were a sloth while we were on 81.
shes rolling around in the floor yelling my vagina hates me
Randomize
