If I sit on the seam of my jeans just the right way when the bass hits, this might be my new favorite band.
Skanksgiving break is awesome already... pilgrim and indian roleplay tonight.
i got really high and listened to the spongebob squarepants theme song and, i swear to god, it was in german.
Been at work for four hours and just discovered the chairs in my office double as a napping surface. Most productive thing I've done all day
I mean I drunk but not enough to handle a Scientology convention
How do I tell my child he was conceived on a barstool in South Alabama?
I can't come tonight. Someone took a shit in the dressing room. A.) Clean it up or B.) Kill myself. Text back with your answer.
Dude, you left ME alone in your house. With your fully-stocked wine cellar. Why would you do that to yourself?
You told her dad that you were gonna "superman that ho" I love the first impressions you make
I told him he could fuck me once he could grow a beard. Never expected seeing him ten years later with a goatee and a great memory...
It's gay pride, I'm in my EMT uniform getting more girls than your straight ass ever will..
of fours songebofy did dknt stop believing
how legible are my texts
We need to find out what drug we took so we can take it everyday from here on out
Just found a rebirth in peppermint schnapps. May be able to stay up all night and finish this paper after all. MERRY CHRISTMAS
You should have just fucked me in the bathroom when you had a chance!
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