just got pizza delivered to the hot tub. its easier than i thought to be this lazy
you were smoking 3 cigarettes at once saying 'cancer isn't real! Its all in your head!'
he acted like he had never seen anyone snort lines of adderall off of a microwave before. freshman.
Umm I need a rain check. Long story short is I have scabies. Research it if you want. I'll tell you everything another time soon, I promise.
Im shirtless eating a burrito. How urgent is this?
you blew your rape whistle in his face every time he got near a girl till he left the party...
EMERGENCY: IS A KAREOKE RICKROLL ACCEPTABLE IN THE YEAR 2011?
Are they engaged or just dating? Girlfriends come and go but the memory of sex at the pool last forever.
couldn't find my pants so i stole a pair of shorts from the passed out kid in the corner.
As the guy I'm having sex with on the side I shouldn't ask you how to dump my boyfriend. But you are the most emotionally detached person I know.
Just realized that St. Patty's is on a Saturday this year in case you were interested in coming to New York and redefining bender with me.
The guy whose porn password I use finally renewed his membership. Lazy fucker had been slacking all summer.
i am craving dick and cupcakes
I took the beard trimmer to my balls this morning.\nMuch blood. Much blood from my scrotum.
Do you realize our room single-handedly hooked up with most of that wedding party last night?
Randomize
