Bubblewrap condoms. We can steal Ziplock's new slogan. Protection you can hear.
You opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a wall last night.
Like my mouth was on his pelvis connected to his balls that's how far it was
announcing that you were the mayor of bjtown got their attention.
Just heard the girl at the bar cuss her bf out and order a long island ice tea. Going to give it 5 min then I'm going in. See you on the other side.
Omg. I have a story to tell you later about that girl that just crawled on stage
There are two types of people in this world I don't trust: people who collect stamps, and people who don't drink
I just wanted to let u know that I called the taco people and informed them what the fuck is up.
Look. When I let you cum on my tits don't fuck it all up by going "SKEET SKEET SKEET" it just pisses me off.
A homeless man gave him a blanket and an ambulance drove him to sarahs...
i snuck out to taco bell in my hospital gown earlier
Nothing says I love you as your fiancé bringing back home your drunk brother from his own stag party
She's so nice... She deserves all the dicks.
I haven't gotten dressed in 4 days. God bless you, unemployment.
Dignity. Ruined. Must. Smoke. Weed.
Randomize