i just shit 3 out of the 4 types of matter
Dude, she knew her leg was on fire and she kept dancing. Bad-fucking-ass.
Training to be a housewife: cleaning the house and masturbating while cookies are in the oven.
I Know I'm the drunk girl in the trunk right now, BUT PLEASE LISTEN TO ME!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Woke up Christmas Eve morning with my face smelling like ballsack.. No regrets.
All I'm asking for is flower occasionally, and in return you get to come home to me naked in heels. Is that to much to ask for?
I am stoned and listening to the Olympics music I downloaded on Saturday. Best 6 dollars I have ever spent.
He pissed on a police station. Then expected to not be arrested. Sounds accurate.
It was one of the greatest weekends of my life. And that's even after factoring in spraying myself in the face with the bidet.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'll be the Broncos and you be the Seahawks and you can pound the shit out of me.
And the prospective student I was showing around had to take care of me.
I got hella high today and freaked out about life and interest rates
Literally breaking up to my boyfriend while jamming out to Feraglicious
This town is a penis wasteland. I haven't seen a suitable penis in months. This is becoming an emergency situation. I need penis in my life
Omg no hes gotta go down on me. Then itll be like my vagina has kissed the stanley cup.
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