Sooo, drunk me had the sense of mind to write down everything that happened last night.....I bet you thought you'd get away with what you did to my parrot.
I saved $70 from being to drunk to go out last night so I figured I could buy a new watch.
Their bromance is so intense that they don't even eye-fuck when they see each other....they eye-make-love.
You mean 'full wolf form' wasn't a drunk text?
This is the guy who showed up to the first day of class with a 24 pack of coke and a handle of rum in his backpack. He doesnt play by normal people rules.
Please don't tell me I was shouting "I'm bleeding from my vagina" in front of my ex-boyfriend and his new girlfriend.
I just bought the ATT family protection plan so that I could block all of my old bar hookups from booty calling me...
you pushed her into a kiddie pool and knocked out her front teeth... and you still managed to get laid. what. the. fuck.
Dude you took some guys glasses off his face and ran out of the bar
OH DEAR GOD. He looks like if u licked him he'd taste like bourbon, sex and sunshine.
and that my friend is why you dont go in for an eye exam and drop 250 dollars on a pair of glasses after smoking a blunt
I AM EATING BACON AND CHEESE. FUCK THE BULLSHIT.
Do not, I repeat, DO NOT uncuff him no matter how much he begs. He knows what he did.
Should we make a shared Google doc list of places we want to fuck? Like a scavenger hunt?
We're both fucking guys named Frank. Our friendship was meant to be.
Randomize
