If I saw her on the street and didn't know about the two of them, I would think the only way she'd ever find love was if she somehow found her way to middle earth and an orc took her in
i just practiced my bj skills on a banana in front of the mirror
its going to be a good night
i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i still was a whore
i wanted to go smoke pot, so i told my mom i was getting tutored. she asked what time i would be back, i told her learning doesn't have a curfew
laughing at 16 and pregnant while fucking w/o a condom....
i always knew you were classy
I feel as if I owe my bloodstream some tequila.
First booty call in Europe.. In Barcelona. With a German. In broad daylight.... Is that how they do it here?
my boss just accepted "because it's 4/20" as a legitimate reason to take Friday off
It's not really the holidays until I raid the medicine cabinet. Happy hydrocodone to me
And a merry methadone to all
Are you coming to the bday night? i'll be doing a life-like reenactment of traveling through Bonnie's vaginal canal and taking my first breath of life. Don't think you'll want to miss it.
I can bring a slip n slide and curtains.
look on the scale of 1 to the time you hit an old lady with your car chlamydia barely even rates
It's times when I'm naked but also want to be platonically social that I miss you the most.
I'm pretty sure i doubled the number of dicks I've ever touched, last night.
Accidentally made a straight guy question his sexuality again. I really gotta watch myself.
You took the receipt and ate it. You then took it out and gave it to the waitress with slobber and holes all over it.
Randomize
