I'd suck a dick for hot wings now. A metaphoric dick that is
I've been sucking dick for sushi for weeks now...hasn't worked yet :P
Oh KT! There was no tea in those Long Islands...
He had a number 3 tattooed on his penis. And when I asked what it meant, he said " you know like dale earnhardt, the intimidator".
I wish there was a Glade Plug-in for vaginas
GOOD IDEA: Stealing the bike a couple blocks away so I don't have to walk. BAD IDEA: riding bike for the first time in years drunk as hell. I'm bleeding and my body hurts and once again I can't find my car.
When I told my boss I'm using a vacation day for 4/20, he gave me his personal cell phone number and winked at me.
the worst part of it wasnt him peeing on the xbox. it was when he showed me his penis and made a kissy face at me. THAT was painful.
then you put baby powder on the bottom of your feet and walked to your room so "ladies would follow the footprints"
Its okay I walked into your house, searched for my wallet in your purse, and took a shot of Tequilia all without eye contact, right?
Well I'm currently debating between getting toilet paper or getting my eyebrows waxed so... There's that
My brother slept till 4, bought a sword, got drunk and sharpened said sword. I went to corporate compliance training. Life is not fair.
I should become her mentor. Get her life back together for her
You mean sponsor?
And now I have a massive dip in and a Bloody Mary that would catch on fire if you put a flame close to it, with no pants on... At 8:15Am. Being single is pretty legit
She was wearing a grass skirt and a watermelon bra. WATERMELONS.
Step one: We finally agreed on an au pair that we both wanna fuck.
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