i think the world will end when pigs can fly. think about it, everyone says blah blah when pigs fly. so shit would be going down if they ever can.
oh fuck your right
He did a line, told me my hair looked pretty against the background of the clouds, and then we fucked. Good afternoon
no normal human would even think about making waldo slutty but you
He spent the entire date challenging me to chugging contests.
He made me meet him in the baby department of walmart where he was waiting with his pregnant girlfriend. Time for a new dealer
You told them that the brownies were safe, and then pointed to a passed out Ryan and said "see?"
I'm wearing red that night.
Noted, what shade?
Whore.
COME GET ME FR THE HOSPIGAL'!!!!!
The perfect world is just rainbows and rocknroll and good sex. With the occasional stripper ridIng a horse. I spelled occasionally right?
No. I just want to cuddle and talk about our feeling. Of course this a booty call.
He ripped off my pantyhose and all I could think was, "oh no those were clinic-appropriate!" That's what I get for ditching a continuing education meeting to go hook up with my scuba instructor.
Mom chose Thanksgiving to tell me the reason I am here is because she was too tired to give my dad a BJ and too drunk to make him pull out.
He overslept for our prescheduled morning sex. The fact that my vagina isn't enough to get him out of bed was the last straw.
So i woke up this morning to find my boss passed out on my living room floor.. Awkward? Haha
I'm not in the business of asking people about their lizard
I meant his actual lizard not his manhood
Randomize
