I'm the only one here who isn't hooking up, coming out of the closet, or crying because of one of those 2 things.
we did it on the carpet and she just yells out "OH. MY PSORIASIS".
you're out of your mind
you look like daphne blake and he looks like fozzie bear
it's like he rubbed a lamp and wished you into existence
After he called me a "spirited little girl" I realized that I need to stop sleeping with guys more than ten years older than me.
Just saw a homeless man taking a shower in someone's sprinkler system....
i decided i'll just settle for a gay guy who can manage to fuck me like the straight guys do. but here i go again, talking about my dream man.
Wonderful brian is stoned out of his mind, floating in a lawn chair in the hot tub eating a giant plate of macaroni and staring at the moon
I'm starting to think you fell asleep on your kitchen floor pantless with salsa spilt around you
Sorry I don't make house calls. You wanna get blown you come over here. It's like rock paper scissors but vagina ALWAYS beats penis
I just dropped $300 on lingerie. He better rip this off with his teeth.
I'll give you some choices for what to get me for Christmas. 1.You naked. 2.You naked 3.You naked.
I'm gonna eat more dunkaroos to cope with what's in my vagina.
Well I mean enduring a 45 minute conversation about C-sections was worth the 9 jello shots those soccer moms gave me.
How many times is too many times to use the word 'fuck' in my thesis?
I will take a ruler to your dick so help me god
Randomize
