sometimes when you bring the thunder you get lost in the storm
dude you apologized to her after she called you stupid. you were like "no i'm sorry, you shouldn't have to be around stupid people, it's my fault"
I love watching the kids I sold drugs to score touchdowns
I've blown him so many times I feel like I have a better relationship with his dick than I do with him.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I feel like my teeth are sweating.
I fingered her though her window because she couldn't leave
she tried to handfeed me fritos while yelling "PENIS TRAIN"
Apparently all year they've been using me as a standard of drunkenness
I just discovered I can sober up while teaching class
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
For future reference. Do not congratulate the bar tender at oscars she is not pregnant she has just gotten fat u will get a shot thrown in your face
He saw one of my bras on the floor and said "damn you could eat soup out of this"
So I have to borrow my moms car tomorrow to go pick up my ID from the strip club so I can board my plane tomorrow
The date went significantly better after the fifth shot of fireball.
my lips are numb and my face feels like a pool. PENGUINSSSSSS
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I'm literally about to create a tinder account. Just so someone drives me to get food.
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