you made cement angels. it was a great sight.
Every time I type "should" my phone autocorrects to "shouldn't". even my phone knows my ideas are terrible.
i checked my sent messages this morning and i had apparently tried to text the bar, saying "idk what i drank, do you?"
i woke up surrounded by junior mints. not to mention, there was a huge pyramid of natty cans baracading the door shut. this is why i can't drink alone.
My face smells like vagina and Im on my way to court. Fuck.
Do you think the Slutcracker will use the original score? I'll be so sad if they don't.
I've watched enough of my roommate's imported Japanese satellite to know when the exchange students are calling me a whore.
I just texted him and asked him to keep some in case I need help sealing the deal.
Girl Scout cookies are like roofies for fat chicks.
Is it bad if one of my goals right now is to snort blow through a licorice?
Don't answer that. It is bad.
We invented this drinking game where you pick and random video and drink for every misspelled word in the youtube comments. It did not end well.
Don't know why you're always hating on relationships. I've had chocolate pancakes accompanied by a blowjob and a blunt and it's not even 9 am. Time for mid morning shower sex. Enjoy your morning bong bowl alone asshole
We have your weave and dirt in our room.
I'm high. I apologize for that last sentence
i woke up to drewlling on a plate of eggrolls half naked halfway between my bed and the floor, and i have no idea where my pants went
Pandemic Silver Lining: cheap hotel rates makes it easier to have afternoon fun with my side dick
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