Getting fucked up met up rando with a girl I confesswed my love for last night. weird, going with it
May i just say it is extremely difficult to pee in a cape
I want to poop on a bird, just to show them what it's like.
My number went up to seventeen today. I forgot to add my random hookup on a sailboat.
These Attractive Criminals Got Modeling Contracts After Getting Arrested
either she doesn't know how to dress properly on a sunday morning stroll, or I just saw a 60 year old on a walk of shame
Most the numbers in my phone are mistakes. It's a virtual graveyard of people I should never pick up for.
I'm returning our mountain of beer cans, while wearing a Budweiser sweatshirt. i don't look like an alcoholic.
I'm at work, still drunk. Can you turn on the radio? If the station goes off the air I passed out. Can't get fired. Haven't slept yet.
waking up outside has become so normal, the paper boy knows to set the paper next to me
This Girl’s Unbelievable Catfish Story Will Make You Rethink Online Dating
how are you not completely traumatized after 8 years of friendship with me?
When she talks to me all I hear are 5 generations of inbreeding speaking.
i gave her a can of corn and told her the cabs are accepting non perishable food items over the holidays. blatant lie and she lives like $40 away
we knew we'd be okay when we walked up to the dealers house and he asked us to please be quiet as to not wake his nana.
If 26 stitches didn't sober her up, nothing will.
I'm pretty sure he's playing the harmonica in my shower right now. I just really need to pee.