The world would have a new energy source if someone would just take a blacklight to the backseat of that slut's car
did you know that if you have sex in the elevator on the way up that people can still get in?
Were playing beruit winners pelt losers with eggs
in a thick russian accent she said "im not so good with english, much better with dick"
People Are Arguing Over This Guy’s Petty Reaction To Splitting Lunch With His Co-Worker
Now that I'm single, I like to think of myself as in a relationship with Taco Bell.
Some might say its sad that I am willingly picking up a coke habit to be the skinniest bridesmaid... I think it shows my great dedication and proves I should have been maid of honor.
Remember that picture you sent me of you trying to eat the flower arrangement in the bathroom at that restaurant?
It seems that only way I've actually improved myself after 2 years of writing for the school newspaper is that I've mastered the art of descriptive words to improve my sexting skills
The worst part about being a grammar Nazi is all the porn I skip over because the titles are misspelled
Girl Logs Into Twitter Only To Find Out Her Dad Is Trending For The Most Outrageous Reason
so hungover i had to get off the train to puke, rallied and went to work. not sure if that's an adulting win or fail
I accidentally brought up how there used to be a big tree in his yard, which I could only have known if I had been Google mapping his house.
He asked if I was alright. I said "Yeah, I'm just an incapacitated ball of orgasmic bliss right now."
I think i got my first booty call. it was like she came to my house. sex. leave.
Congratulations. Welcome to the wonderful world of quick dirty secret sexy time.
thanks... i think. haha
Holy fuck, my entire boob is bruised! Lierally my boob is just one big bruise.
You know, you could always move. Lol somewhere without gators, water moccasins, and Marco Rubio.