You screamed 'pound me, you big thick stud.' I looked around for porn cameras.
Shut up. I did not.
I really wish I was making that up.
Two girls are now jumping in the ocean naked at 10 PM...and I was just starting to hate Ocean City
just scratched off #34 on my list of things to do before age 30 - drunk in a helicopter.
No, I'm not okay. Girls are wearing BUMPITS here.
so he made me dinner last pm @whch point i askd if i could help out. he hands me his fucking laundry and asks me 2 do it
only you. it could only happen to you.
I just sneezed alcohol in a candle and started a fire.
I'm customer of the month for a 3rd time now at the Wine store. I've achieved so much in my life
He was eating her out on the elevator. What a good man.
Please note: when a bouncer tells you to leave, pointing out that their career path makes them a much better judge what to do will not make you friends
I'm trying to get WebMD to diagnose me with a hangover
How exactly does one go about seducing an older, possibly blind gentleman?
Sitting in my car feasting on the spoils of Taco Bell as Donna Lewis croons "I love you, always forever." A more perfect moment will never exist.
The fact that he quoted freebird as his breakup speech was a little more classy than expected
I had to take on your role as drunk idiot....I have no idea how you do it so well and so regularly. That shit is exhausting.
"Here let me wipe my uterus off your dick" was probably the most unsexy thing said after period sex. I should get an award
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