for on dont try to tell me you love me after three weeks of talking, for two if you are going to do that stay away from the song lyrics to a very good country song that you happened to ruin by using it, and for three erase my number im fuckin your sister now
i'm considering texting him with "i'm leaving the country for a year, wanna fuck?"
do it. it's every man's dream.
He is the Donovan McNabb of stuff up his ass. Tell me that tomorrow. Too high to remember.
We've been here 3 hours and the only 1 word answer she didn't give was the drink order. Don't think I'm getting laid tonight
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So the same day I accidentally bought waterproof mascara is the day I accidentally had shower sex. The world is finally on my side.
Take advantage man but know that every anal bead u drop inside her will make her love u 2% more. It's science
Yeah. Rock bottom was him passing out and saying "are you putting a condom on me?" and me covering his mouth and saying shhhhh
according to last night, I underestimated the size of my mouth and the possibilities of what can fit into it.
They didn't have a "sorry I was late for your birthday party because I was getting arrested" card.
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only i would grind with someone to harp music at a gay wedding
That rando I gave head to on the beach just endorsed me on LinkedIn for Oral Communication Skills. So there's that.
I actually just took 17 pictures of some guy at the gas station that needs to marry me now
"Wine night with the girls" turned into me having to set an alarm in the bathtub this morning...
Maybe snorting K off penises isn't healthy
How do you politely tell someone to get out of your house in Russian