they started playing Don't Stop Believin' and you had a melt down because it wasnt the Glee version
then you asked me to turn your jeans into "jorts" just long enough to cover your ballsack
Just stole a pregnancy test from Wegmans because I didn't want to pay 13 dollars to find out my life is over.
so,apparently a side effect from having sex on the beach is now i have a tanline shaped like your sister
i hate you
Ill bet we could have atleast fucked a girl who fucked a guy who has fucked tara reid. That's a famous circle right?
Theres a high probability there will be two hot men waiting on you in your bed when you get home for lunch.
you were passed out so I asked you what my name was and you opened your eyes and yelled "ricotta cheese"
no way
that's when i decided you were gonna be okay
I had to run home with my hands covering my tits this morning. How does this keep happening?
All I know is that I woke up with glitter all over me and blood on my shoes. It wasn't my blood.
I feel like a girl who eats her problems away with fast food.
When all else fails, you can always look down at your enormous penis.
I'm just now starting to feel better... I remembered sleeping on the floor. I was peeing and saw his rug and it looked so comfy
I smell like bonfire and ex-boyfriends
even my drug dealer wished me a happy birthday before my mother did.
Hey, what's a nice way of saying "Why'd you send me a picture of your boobs last night" without seeming ungrateful?
He woke up and decided to go for a swim in the lake... At about 3am... With his dogs
Randomize
