I need to shower the guilt off of my thighs.
i'm starting to get pissed at how pandora is trying to force coldplay on me
so Brent and I ordered you a drink then realized you don't live here. I drank it.
I'd like to apologize to your liver. It sees how much beer i drink and gets jealous of how awesome my liver is.
Just spent 3 hours on the Mcdonalds website. I don't know what to do with myself now that college is over.
I'm writing my will in case I die this week, it'll be saved on my computer under: little 500 death scenario
I wanna take him on a special date, something that says I banged your brother but since he moved I want you
If the world ends now I want you to know I was on my favorite toilet fighting the good fight.
So last night I turned down multiple drinks because "I didn't want to hold them". It's time reevaluate my decisions
So I just realized I have three bananas, seven condoms, three lube packets, three tampons, and a shot glass in my bag but no pen #modelstudent
Summers almost over and we haven't golfed, got naked or had sex yet. Let's do all three in one day, no particular order.
Everythings in imax form. Space oddessys are formed. Adventure at every moment and everything is epic. My mouth hass lemons. Yum.
When I came she triumphantly exclaimed, "MUAHAHA VICTORY IS MINE!"
And then he peed in my hair
Just fucked my ex's brother. It is clear I dated the wrong one. Is it wrong for me to continue to fuck this one?
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