The freshman came home at 9 this morning with one heel, no pants, and a strangers sweatshirt covered in tequila-scented vomit. I think we're done corrupting her for a while.
i feel like verizon should give a sexter of the month award
And then somehow we were arguing over how to fold our arms
Change of plans. Theres a bouncy castle setup in my apartment complex.
So puking trix and chicken wings is horrible but atleast we got free drinks for taking the trash out at the bar we are really movin up in the world
I don't remember much but I think I'm wearing your underwear, and for that, I am extremely grateful.
Does he cat effect his dick pics to you? Because THAT is true love
I am debating about my sub. I am not quite sure I can be the dom he needs.
Just had a guy try to pull the maraca out of my shirt with his teeth... Wtf
You're wearing a hospital gown and pearls. Let's reevaluate your life.
I hooked up with Spider-Man on the hood of Santas car. I kept saying that he could shoot his web at me. Also I found Waldo. Overall good night.
At first I was nervous, then drunk me thought: What other chance will you realistically have to fuck a British guy?
No no no, I want to share him with you. Think of it as me sharing a piece of delicious pie with you. He was THAT GOOD.
I just got home and spray-tanned my boyfriend. That's the side of relationships they don't tell you about...
The only good thing about 2020 is that the hot flight attendant neighbors are using my pool a lot. If i can keep them from wandering into my Zoom meeting with my boss I’m golden
Randomize
